Now what?
by amberissmiling
Summary: Rachel has been in NYC for six months with no contact from Finn. She's been trying to hold it together, but she can't seem to let him go. What if she didn't have to? Some tragedy and sadness. :
1. Chapter 1

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," Rachel said, laughing.

"Everyone has to ice skate here at least once in their life," Brody told her, pulling her out on the ice. "It's in the rules."

"What happens if I fall and break my leg?" she said, wobbling a little.

"Then you can shoot me," he told her. He dropped her hand, skating out in front of her. "Come on!" he said, grinning. "Catch up!"

Finn would have never left her side, Rachel thought. "Shut up," she told herself, shaking her head. Finn wasn't here. He'd made a choice and he'd sent her to New York instead of marrying her. He hadn't called, he hadn't written, and even Kurt didn't know what he was doing.

Rachel had spent the last six months in mourning. She'd made friends, gone to classes, even dated a couple of times. She still wasn't over Finn. Everyone assured her that it was only puppy love and that she'd get over it eventually, but she still hadn't. She still cried every night, still stared at his picture when no one was looking, still wrote him letters she'd stopped sending.

Brody almost tripped over a kid that was skating by and Rachel laughed. Brody was a good friend. She knew that he wanted to be more than that, but right now she didn't have anything more to give. He was extremely handsome, sang like an angel and made her laugh. He wasn't Finn, though. And being Finn was the only thing that really mattered.

Rachel was skating slowly, trying to get the hang of it. Rockefeller Center was probably not the greatest place to try to learn to ice skate, but Brody had been insistent. He'd lived in New York his entire life, and he seemed bent on making his favorite places her favorite places.

"Brody," she called, exhausted though she'd only been skating for five minutes, tops. "Can't we leave?"

Brody skated past her, hands behind his back. Sometimes she wanted to hit him. "You haven't gotten the hang of it yet," he called over his shoulder.

"I'm not going to get the hang of it!" she yelled at him, but he was too far away now to hear her. "Go out with me, he said. It'll be fun, he said," she mumbled under her breath. She looked around at all the couples skating together, holding hands. In truth, she really did want to be here. And she really did want to be skating. Just not with Brody.

Rachel moved around the ice, occasionally catching glimpses of her friend. She felt extremely self-conscious skating (poorly) by herself. If Brody passed by her again, she was going to trip him and use his broken leg as an excuse to leave.

She glared at a kid who rudely brushed past her. "Evil little turd," she said. As soon as she'd spoken, two more went by her, knocking her off balance.

Strong hands caught her, pulling her back against a solid chest. "I've got you," he said, his breath warm against her ear.

It's a good thing he did, because at the sound of his voice, Rachel's knees buckled and her entire body went limp with shock. "Finn?" she asked hoarsely, afraid to turn around. She knew it was him, though. She knew the feel of his hands, of his chest.

Steadying her, he turned her around. "Hey," he said, smiling sheepishly. Rachel stared at the crooked grin she loved so much, unable to talk. Nothing made sense and her brain had officially turned to complete mush. "Rach?"

"Finn?" she said again, shaking her head. "Did I fall?"

"No," he told her. "I caught you."

"Are you really here?" she asked, her heart still racing. She poked his chest and he nodded. "Why?"

He sighed and looked around. "Want to go get a hot chocolate?"

Rachel just stared at him. "What?"

"Do you want to leave, get some cocoa?"

"I don't…I can't…Finn, what the hell are you doing here?" she said loudly. Suddenly she wasn't numb anymore and every emotion she'd felt for the last six months flooded through her body.

"I came to see you," he told her. "I needed to see you."

"Now? You needed to see me now?" She laughed bitterly. "It's been six months, Finn. I haven't talked to you for six months and you expect me to go get hot chocolate with you?" Hot tears scalded her cheeks as she stared at him. "Are you crazy?"

"Don't cry, Rach," he said, wiping her cheeks with his thumbs.

"Hey," Brody said, skating up to them. "Finn, is it?" Finn looked the other man up and down, nodding. "What's going on?"

Finn opened his mouth to say something but Rachel moved closer to her friend. "We're leaving, Brody, okay?"

"Sure," Brody said, looking down at her. "You okay?"

Rachel nodded, taking his hand. As they moved away, Finn called after her. "Rachel, please," he said. "Won't you just talk to me?"

Rachel shook her head as she and Brody reached the edge of the ice. She couldn't unlace her skates because her hands were shaking so badly. Brody noticed and swatted her hands away, unlacing them for her. He didn't speak as they stood and walked back to his car. As they sat, waiting for the engine to warm up, he looked over at her. "So that's Finn, huh?" He'd seen some of Rachel's pictures and had recognized the other man from them.

Rachel looked out the window. "Yes."

"How did he know where you were?"

Rachel shrugged. "I'm sure Kurt told him."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Rachel looked at him. "I'm not sure what to say," she told him. "I don't know how I feel or what to think."

"He looked pretty upset when we left," Brody told her.

"Good," she said as they pulled away from the curb.


	2. Chapter 2

"How'd things go with Berry?" Puck asked Finn as he came into their hotel room. Finn dropped down on the bed face first. "That good, huh?"

"She wouldn't even talk to me," Finn told his friend, his voice muffled by the mattress.

"Well no shit," Puck said, flipping through channels on the television. "I told you she wouldn't."

Finn moved his head so that he was looking at his friend. "How could she just walk away, though?"

"Dude," Puck said, giving up and throwing the remote on Finn's bed, "you basically forced her to come to New York without you and have spent the last six months ignoring her completely. Honestly, what did you expect?"

"I don't know," Finn said miserably. "I thought she'd be happy to see me."

"She'd probably be happy to see me," Puck said, standing up. "I should go see her."

Finn sat up. "You think? If she'll talk to you…would you try to get her to talk to me?"

"If she'll talk to me, I'm sure your name will come up eventually."

Finn glared at him. "This is serious, Puck."

"I'm being serious, Finn." Puck grabbed his coat, going to the door. Opening it, he stopped and sighed. "I'll try," he said before he shut the door behind him.

He couldn't believe Finn had thought things would be so easy. Of course Rachel had missed him. Hell, she'd been planning on marrying him. He'd spent the last six months telling his friend what a dumbass he was being, but had Finn listened? Nope. He'd thought Rachel's life would be better without him. Puck thought it was some of the stupidest crap he'd ever heard, but what did he know? His own love life was crap.

He didn't like taxis. He didn't like New York. He wanted to be back in Texas or hell, even Georgia. He gave the driver Rachel's address and sat back, closing his eyes. It had been six months since they'd graduated and he felt like he'd aged ten years. He didn't get to see Beth enough and the little girl was growing up without him. He felt like every decision he made was the wrong one.

Getting out of the cab, he looked up at the apartment building. It looked run down to him, but he was sure that Rachel and Kurt's room was nice. And pink. It was probably really, really pink. Puck grinned at the thought as he moved up the stairs, not trusting the elevator. He'd seen enough horror movies to know what happened when a man stepped into an elevator alone.

Finally reaching the room, he took a second to catch his breath. Screw this, and horror stories be damned; he was taking the elevator next time. He knocked on the door, leaning against the frame as he waited for someone to answer.

"Puckerman?" Kurt said, swinging the door open.

"Hey Kurt," Puck said, smiling at his old friend. "How's it going?"

Kurt hugged him, and then motioned for him to come into the apartment. "It's good," he said, smiling. "I guess I should have realized you'd be here too."

Puck nodded, grinning. "You know how it is."

"I was just getting ready to go to the hotel to see Finn," Kurt told him.

"Is Rachel here?"

"Yeah, she's in her room."

"Why don't you go ahead, and I'll talk to her?" Puck told him.

Kurt sighed. "Maybe she'll talk to you," he said. "She's mad at me."

"She'll probably be mad at me too," Puck told him, grimacing.

Kurt gathered his things to leave while Puck went to the door that had "Rachel" written on it with glittery gold stars. "Subtle," he said, knocking on the door.

"Go away Kurt!" she said from the other side. "I never want to talk to you again!"

"Drama Queen," Puck mumbled, grinning. "Hey, Rachel, it's me…Puck."

He put his ear to the door, but couldn't tell if she was moving. Suddenly the door was flung open and she was standing there, a hot mess in pajamas. "Noah?" she said, wiping her eyes.

"Come on, Berry, you're not still crying are you?" he said, wincing. He hated it when girls cried. It made him feel bad.

Rachel huffed and tried to slam the door but he stuck his foot in it just in time. "Damn!" he said, lifting it and hopping around.

"I'm sorry," she told him, walking back to her bed. "But you shouldn't have stuck your foot in the door."

"I just wanted to talk to you," he told her. He stood looking down at her, a smile spreading across his face. "I've missed you."

Rachel felt herself smile back. "I've missed you too," she told him.

He pulled her desk chair out and sat on it, looking around her room. It was exactly as he'd figured it would be; pink and girly. "Nice place," he told her.

Rachel nodded. "The building could use some work, but this is cheap enough for me and Kurt and we were able to fix it up a little. It all worked out."

"I'm glad you have Kurt," Puck told her. "I'd worried about you up here all alone."

Rachel scoffed. "Yeah, I'm sure." She looked at him. "So you're in town with Finn?"

Puck nodded. "Yeah."

"What does he want?" she asked.

Puck heard the heartbreak in her voice. "He just wants to talk to you," he said.

"You know what's crazy?" she said, playing with the frayed edge on her bed. "I didn't realize he was leaving me. I thought that we were still together when I got here. For the first few days, I wandered around finding all of these neat places I wanted to show him when he finally got here." She cleared her throat, looking at Puck. "He never showed up."

"I know," Puck said, wishing he could say something that would make it better. "You know he's an idiot, Rachel."

Rachel choked out a laugh. "I don't think I know him at all."

"That's not true," he said.

Rachel sighed, shaking her head. She sat up straighter, looking at him. "So what have you been doing for the last six months? I tried calling your phone but it was disconnected."

"Yeah, we disconnected our phones when we got to Georgia," he told her. "Didn't need that bill."

Rachel frowned. "You went to Georgia?"

"Yeah, for basic training."

Rachel stared at him for a minute. "You joined the Army?"

Puck nodded. "Couldn't let him go alone."

Rachel swallowed. "So he did it? He joined the Army?"

"I thought he at least told you about that?"

Rachel nodded slightly, distraught. "He did, but I wasn't sure…I didn't know he'd really do it." She looked at her friend. "So are you…you guys are…you're out?"

Puck laughed. "No, not out. We won't be out for at least another year and a half. We both signed up for two years."

"Oh," Rachel said. There was just too much to process…too much to think about. "Then what…"

"We're on leave for a couple of days. Finn wanted to come see you."

Rachel nodded, though none of this made sense. "But why now?"

Puck rubbed his face with his hands. "We're being deployed, Rachel. We're going to Afghanistan."

"No," Rachel said matter-of-factly. "No you're not."

Puck leaned closer to her and took her hands. "We are."

Rachel shook her head, refusing to accept what he'd just told her. "No. There's no way"

"Rachel," Puck said, sighing. "I'm sorry."

Tears filled her eyes again as she stared at her friend. "Why would you do this?" she whispered. "Why would he?"

Puck stood up and sat beside her on the bed, putting his arm around her shoulder. "Finn felt like it was something he had to do. For his father." He shrugged. "I didn't want him to go alone."

"I hate him," she said suddenly, squeezing the fabric of Puck's shirt. "I hate him."

"No you don't," Puck said, pulling her closer and hugging her. "You know you don't."

Rachel cried as she leaned on the shoulder of her friend. She cried because she didn't hate Finn. She cried because she could never hate him. She cried because she would forever be in love with him and he was an idiot. "What am I supposed to do?" she asked him, wiping her face and looking up at him.

"Just talk to him," Puck told her. "And then we can spend the rest of the week doing things friends do."

"What if I can't?" she asked him. "What if it's too hard?"

"Nothing has ever been too hard for you, Rachel," Puck told her. "You're one of the strongest people I know."

Rachel wasn't so sure.


	3. Chapter 3

Finn's head still hurt from the verbal sparring he'd done with Kurt. He knew his brother was upset with him, but he had forgotten how shrill Kurt could be. Even so, he'd missed the other guy. He hadn't realized how much until he'd seen him. Kurt had left in a rage, but Finn figured he'd be back later.

He heard the door open when he stepped out of the shower. "I'll be out in a second and you can tell me how it went," he told Puck, drying off. He pulled his pants on, leaving them unfastened as he walked barefoot and bare chested out of the bathroom. "Rachel," he said, surprised.

Rachel sat on the edge of his bed, looking at him. He could tell she'd been crying and he felt his stomach twist. He had never wanted to make her cry. He had never wanted to hurt her. He had been trying to protect her, though he knew she didn't see it that way.

God, he'd missed her. The lines of her face, her eyes...everything about her drew him in.

Rachel didn't say anything as she watched him. He looked different, older. She knew that was crazy; he'd only been gone six months. But everything about him was harder. His shoulders looked wider, his waist leaner. His body was more defined; the body of a man. She saw scars on him that hadn't been there the last time she'd seen him. "You were hurt," she finally said.

Finn looked down at the scar on his chest. "Yeah," he said, looking back at her. "It's nothing." He stepped closer to her. "You look beautiful," he told her.

"So do you," she told him, whispering. She meant it. Everything about him was like home to her. Her hands wanted to touch him, to trace the scars. Her lips longed to travel the length of his neck. When did he get so tan? It physically hurt her that she didn't know.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "I never wanted to hurt you."

Rachel shook her head, looking down at her lap. "I want to hate you," she told him.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did," he told her. Just watching her suffer hurt him. "I didn't mean for it to happen this way," he told her. "I swear, Rach, I thought it would be better for you."

Rachel's head shot up and she glared at him. "How could you have thought leaving me and not talking to me for six months would be better for me?" She stood up. "How, Finn?" He shook his head. "Didn't you miss me?" she asked weakly. "Didn't you think about me?"

"Rachel," he said, moving closer to her. "I thought about you every day. Every minute. You were the only thing I thought about."

"Then how could you not call me?" she demanded, crying again. "How could you just act like you'd never met me?"

"And have you here in New York, holding on to the memory of me? How would that be fair to you?"

"That's all I've had anyway!" she yelled. "Whatever you thought you were doing, it didn't work, you gigantic jackass! You just left me lost and alone and you were the only thing I could think of!"

"I didn't want that for you!" he told her. "I wanted you to come here and start fresh. I wanted you to make a life for yourself without me!"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" she told him, face red. "Finn, I love you. I wanted to marry you, for God's sake. How could you think I'd be able to just move on?"

Finn rubbed his face with his hands. "Rachel you deserve so much better than me," he told her.

"Then why are you here, Finn? Why did you come here now?"

Finn closed the gap between them. "Because I'm weak," he told her. "Because being without you makes me crazy. Because I was hoping you felt the same way and didn't hate me."

Rachel looked up into the eyes she loved so much. "You're so stupid," she told him.

"I know," he told her. "I'm so sorry, Rachel. I'm sorry I tried to let you go, and I'm sorry I was too weak to do it."

"Just stop," she told him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Just stop."

He lowered his lips to hers, tasting her tears. "I'm so sorry," he whispered again, kissing her cheeks and forehead before his lips captured hers again. "Please forgive me."

"What if I can't?" she murmured against his lips.

"Will you try?" he asked, pulling back to look into her eyes.

Rachel nodded, pulling his head back down to hers. Finn groaned at the taste of her. He'd spent nights dreaming of her lips and now that she was here he couldn't get enough. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. She'd always fit so perfectly against him, everything about her seemingly made for him alone.

Rachel kept her lips on his as she pulled her coat off, laughing a little as Finn struggled with the buttons on her shirt. "My hands are shaking," he told her, smiling crookedly.

When he finished the last button he pulled the shirt aside, placing small kisses along her shoulders. Rachel gasped as his teeth scraped the sensitive skin below her ear, warmth pooling in her stomach. "Finn," she moaned, pressing kisses across his chest.

Finn lifted her, walking her back to his bed. Putting her down, he slid her skirt down her legs. Standing, he looked down at her. "You're still perfect," he told her, his hand lightly running over her flat stomach. He sank to his knees beside the bed, his lips touching the soft skin of her thigh.

Rachel cried out, reaching for him. "Shh," he said, his breath caressing her thigh.

His open mouthed kisses burned her, creating a trail of fire everywhere they touched. Pushing her legs farther apart, he ran his fingers along the fabric of her panties. Rachel watched him through heavily lidded eyes, grabbing the blanket under her. Moving the fabric aside, Finn slid his tongue along her slit, smiling slightly at the sound she made.

As his tongue teased her, Rachel dropped her head to the bed and closed her eyes. Her entire body clenched as her breath left her in ragged gasps. When his finger pushed into her, her hips rose off the bed and she screamed. Finn lifted his head and watched her as she lifted her hips to meet his hand. He trailed kisses up her stomach, pushing aside her bra and covering her breast with his lips. His body trembling, Rachel's moans almost pushed him over the edge.

He rose, pushing her further onto the bed as he pushed his pants down and off. Removing her underwear, his hands slid up her legs as he joined her. Lying between her legs, he looked into her eyes. "I can't wait, Rach, I'm sorry."

Rachel nodded, wrapping her arms around him. Finn pushed slowly into her, closing his eyes and clenching his jaw at the feel of her stretching around him. He stopped moving, trying to remember how to breathe.

Rachel had other ideas. She lifted her hips, needing to feel all of him. She gasped when they were fully together, her wide eyes finding his. Finn leaned down, his lips lightly brushing hers as he began to move inside her, slowly at first. Rachel began to unravel quickly, her body shuddering as waves of heat stormed through her. Feeling her tighten around him was enough to send Finn over the edge. He cried out her name as he pumped into her, finding his own release.

They laid together for a moment, both trying to figure out what had just happened. "I'm sorry," Finn started. "I know that happened really fast…"

Rachel shook her head. "It had been a long time," she said, then looked at him sharply. "Well, it has been for me."

Finn laughed, pulling her close. "You're still my only, Rach."

Rachel couldn't stop the flood of relief that washed through her. "Good," she said.

Lying with her head on his shoulder and his arms around her, Finn thanked God for this moment. He didn't know what was going to happen in the future with Rachel, but he knew now that living without her was something he didn't want to do. He hoped she felt the same way, but was afraid to bring it up.

"What are you thinking about?" Rachel asked him.

Finn sighed. "Everything."

"When do you have to leave?" she asked him.

"Yeah, about that," he said. "There's something we need to talk about."

"Noah told me," Rachel told him. "He told me you're being deployed." Saying the words, she felt a sharp pain in her chest, her breathing becoming labored.

"Hey," he said, tilting her face towards his. "We're going to be okay."

"You can't know that," Rachel told him, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes.

Finn shook his head, sitting up. "I came here, Rachel, because I couldn't stand the idea of going over there without you knowing how much I love you. I needed for you to know that, to believe that. If something does happen…just remember that, okay?"

Rachel sat up too. "All of this hurts," she told him. "You left me and it hurt. I didn't think I was going to be able to make it. And now that you're back it hurts. And when you leave…"

"It's different this time, Rachel," he told her.

"How?"

"I made a mistake. I know that now. I'm not ever going to let you go again…if you'll let me keep you?"

Rachel shook her head, choosing to remain silent for a moment. She didn't know what she felt or what to think. She loved him, yes. But he had hurt her so much…could she chance that again?

She rose and began to dress. "What are you doing?" he asked her.

"I don't know," she said. Looking over at him as she buttoned her blouse, she sighed. "I have no idea."

Finn moved to the side of the bed and watched her. "Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, I think I need to," she told him.

"Will you be back?" he asked, his throat tightening.

Rachel slid her feet into her shoes and pulled her coat on. She walked to him, stopping in front of him. Leaning down, she kissed him on the forehead. "I love you," she told him.

"I love you," he said, holding her hand.

"I'll call you," she said, backing away and letting her hand fall from his.

Staring at the door after she'd left, Finn nodded. "I won't hold my breath."


	4. Chapter 4

It took him 60 seconds to realize he couldn't let her go. He grabbed his coat and ran for the elevator, hitting it with both hands when it didn't open. Deciding that he couldn't wait, he ran down the hallway to the stairs. Taking them three at a time, he almost fell. "Damn," he said when his heart started beating again.

Getting to the lobby, he looked around, trying to find her. Not seeing her, he ran to a man standing outside the door. "Hey, I'm looking for my girlfriend," Finn told him. "She's tiny, dark haired, long black coat…have you seen her?"

"Yeah, man, she went that way," the guy told Finn.

Finn nodded and took off the way the man had indicated. "So many people," he mumbled, pushing past them. Finally realizing he was getting nowhere he yelled, "Rachel!"

"Stop yelling, asshole!" a woman beside him said, glaring at him before going back to her phone call.

Ignoring her, Finn called for Rachel again. This time a man further down the sidewalk called out "Rachel!" after him. A moment later, a woman called out. Soon, several people were calling for Rachel. Finn wasn't sure they all meant to help- some of them were definitely mocking him- but at this point he didn't care.

"Found her!" a man shouted in the distance.

Finn pushed his way through the crowd faster to get to her. "Rachel," he said, sighing with relief when he saw her. "Thank you," he told the people around them. Most had already moved on. Things moved fast in NYC.

"Finn, what…?" Rachel started.

Finn lowered his mouth to hers, silencing her with a kiss. Though it was cold outside, Rachel's lips were warm and soft. When he pulled away, he looked down at her hopefully, praying that she wouldn't turn her back on him and leave. "I couldn't let you go," he told her. "I can't let you go. Forgive me. Please."

Rachel frowned, shaking her head. "What would that say about me, Finn? If I just let you come back into my life after six months of complete misery?"

"It would say that you love me," he told her. "That you forgive me. That you're willing to stick with me, even though I'm the biggest idiot on the planet."

Could it really be that simple? Could she really just let the past six months go? "You make it sound so easy," she told him. "But it's not. What if it's just time for me to move on?"

"It's been six months. Can you look at me and tell me you've moved on?" he asked her. "Rachel, I'm going to love you whether we're together or not. I'm going to miss you whether you take me back or not. You're all I'm going to think about, you're all I'm going to talk about, and you're all I'm ever going to want."

"Honey, give the poor man a break," a woman walking by said.

"Nah, kick him to the curb," a man said. "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

"I'm not a cheater," Finn said, glaring at the man.

"Well I think it's romantic," a teenager girl said, smiling at them. "And he's cute."

Rachel put her head down, laughing a little. "Do you want to go get coffee or something? Continue this conversation in private?"

"Yeah," Finn said, grinning. "Yeah!"

A few of their onlookers clapped, but for the most part people had already forgotten anything happened. "New York City," Rachel said, smiling a little and shrugging.

"Do you like it here?" he asked her.

Rachel nodded. "I really do," she told him. "I love how fast paced it is, and all the people."

"How's school?" he asked, holding his arm out for her to put hers through.

"It's good," she told him, taking his arm. "I had a little trouble adjusting at first," she said after a moment. "I had a lot going on."

"That's my fault," he told her. "Rach-"

"Don't say you're sorry again," she told him. "Just don't."

"But I am-"

Rachel stopped walking. "If we're going to spend time together, you're going to have to stop, okay? I believe you, Finn. I know you're sorry."

Finn wanted to say so much more, but he held back. She knew he was sorry, but could that be enough? "Tell me about your life here," he told her.

They talked until they got to a coffee shop, Rachel telling him about her classes. She'd auditioned for a couple of Off Broadway shows, but nothing had come of it. She told him that the experience was worth it… and then she admitted that she'd locked herself in her room and cried for an hour each time she didn't get the part. Kurt had assured her that was normal.

She told him of the girls who were jealous of her, and of the girls she was jealous of. It had hurt her a little to realize that there were people out there just as talented (if not more so) than she was. She didn't like that part of school at all.

Their conversation flowed freely and comfortably as Rachel ordered their drinks and Finn paid for them, leading her to a seat by the window. "I thought Santana went to the University of Louisville?" Finn asked her, sipping his hot chocolate. Rachel had been catching him up to date on all of their high school friends. He'd been surprised to learn Santana was living in NYC.

"She did, but she hated it. She withdrew from her classes and moved up here a couple of months ago. Brittany's here too."

"But she hasn't graduated yet."

"Well, she didn't think she ever would," Rachel told him. "She dropped out, somehow got her GED, and is living up here with Santana."

"That's awesome," Finn said.

"Quinn's around, too," Rachel told him. "I see her every couple of weeks or so."

"I'll never not find that weird," he told her.

"Yeah, it's odd how things work out," Rachel agreed.

Finn hesitated. "I've been meaning to ask," he said, "but I've been afraid to."

"What is it?" Rachel asked, sitting her coffee down.

"Are Kurt and Blaine still together? I wanted to ask him, but…" he shrugged. "I didn't know how."

Rachel wanted to point out the fact that he'd know all about Kurt's life if he'd only stayed in contact for the past six months, but she didn't. "They're not together," Rachel told him. "They're still in love, but with the distance…" She sighed, looking at him. "Sometimes being in love isn't enough."

"It will be for us," he told her, covering her hand with his.

"Do you really believe that?" she asked him.

"I do," he told her, hoping she'd see the truth of his words in his eyes.

"Finn, we've been broken for six months now. You're only here for a few days. How is that supposed to compete with another year and a half?"

Finn looked down at their hands for a moment. "You'll have to be willing to try," he told her. "That's all I'm asking, Rachel. Just to try." He looked up at her. "If it doesn't work, at least we'll have that, right? That we tried?"

Rachel stared into his eyes for a moment. They were the eyes that she loved, and he was the man that she loved. She nodded slightly. As soon as she made up her mind to try, she felt lighter, happier. She could be with Finn again. Wasn't that really all she'd ever wanted?

"Yeah?" he asked, uncertain.

"Yeah," she said, smiling. "We can try."

Finn let out a whoop, causing every person in the coffee shop to stare at them. "Sorry," he said to the room at large, looking back at Rachel and smiling. "I love you," he told her. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she told him, unable to stop the smile from spreading across her face. "So what do we do now?" she asked him.

"I've got a few ideas," he told her, wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

Rachel laughed. "Oh yeah? Starting with what?"

"Ice skating at Rockefeller Center," he said, surprising her. "I can't leave NYC without knowing you know how to skate."


	5. Chapter 5

When the man you love is only going to be around for a week, you make certain changes to your schedule. You basically give up sleep completely. Rachel was glad it was winter break; had it not been, she would have skipped every one of her classes while Finn was home and not felt the least bit guilty. Puck had decided to stay with Kurt for the week, giving her and Finn some much needed time alone. Their friends were happy for them. Now, anyway.

"You can't be serious right now," Quinn had said, shutting the bathroom door behind her.

Kurt, being Kurt, had arranged a dinner party to get them all together the night after Rachel and Finn decided to give their relationship another chance. Though it was planned at the very last minute, everyone had been able to come. Rachel was sort of wishing now that Quinn had had plans. "Quinn, I love him."

"So?" Quinn said, crossing her arms. "Does that mean you just forget the past six months?"

"I can't forget them," Rachel told her friend. "I can't forget the three years before them, either." She leaned back against the sink. "It's Finn for me, Quinn. It always has been. You know that."

"What happens when he drops you again?" Quinn demanded, frustrated.

The door opened before Rachel could answer. Puck stepped in, shutting and locking it behind them. "Noah, this is the women's restroom," Rachel told him.

"Yeah, whatever," Puck said, narrowing his eyes at Quinn. "I saw Quinn follow you in here, so I thought that I'd come in too. Play a little devil's advocate."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Of course you're on Finn's side," she said. "He's your best friend."

"He is," Puck agreed. "But I care about Rachel too." He looked at Rachel. "I've been with Finn for the past six months. I don't want you thinking that he just forgot about you. There wasn't a single day he wasn't miserable, Rach. Not a single one."

"And yet he never picked up the phone to call her," Quinn said, throwing her hands up in the air.

"I don't get you, Quinn," Puck told her. "You were against them getting married and said that they needed some time apart. They've had that, they were miserable."

"It's not the time apart that bothers me," Quinn told him. "It's how it happened that bothers me."

Puck leaned back against the door. "If he'd called her, he wouldn't have been able to let her go. He didn't think he was good enough for her. I wonder why he thought that?"

"Because he's not?"

"And how many times did you tell him that?" Puck said sarcastically.

"Should I even be in here?" Rachel said, interrupting them.

Puck moved from the door to stand in front of her. "Rachel, believe me. Trust me. Finn loves you. He never stopped. Sure, he did some incredibly stupid stuff. But he really thought he was doing it for you."

Rachel nodded. "I know he did," she told him. She looked at Quinn. "You have to understand, though, that Quinn was here while I was falling apart."

Quinn nodded. "I get that," Puck told her. "But he's here now, and you two can be together again. Don't let anything stand in the way of that." He looked pointedly at Quinn. "Nice boyfriend, by the way. I bet he's handy when it's time to go to sleep."

"Well, he's not a delinquent, so I'm sure you two would have nothing in common," Quinn said too sweetly, smiling unpleasantly at him.

"I thought you two had worked things out?" Rachel said, looking from one to the other. "Why are you being so hateful to each other?"

"I'm tired of her always trying to stand in the way of you and Finn being happy," Puck told her. He looked at Quinn. "It seems that some things will never change." Before either woman had a chance to respond, he turned and left the restroom.

Rachel looked at Quinn, confused. "He's mad at me," Quinn told her friend, rubbing her forehead. "We got into an argument earlier today."

"About what?"

"You know that I decided it would be best for everyone if I stopped trying to be a part of Beth's life. She has a family without me."

"Oh," Rachel said. "Noah was upset?"

"He just doesn't understand," Quinn said. She looked at her friend. "Maybe he's right, Rachel. Maybe I shouldn't be trying to stand in your way."

"I know you're just looking out for me," Rachel told her. "And I know it sounds crazy. But I think I can forgive him, and I know I want to try."

Quinn sighed. "Finn has a good heart," she said after a minute. "He was able to forgive me…after Beth…and Puck…" She shook her head. "I thought it was too much to forgive, but he did."

Rachel touched Quinn's arm. "I get to be with Finn again, Quinn," Rachel told her friend, smiling a little. "Be happy for me."

"I'll try," Quinn finally said.

Rachel squealed and hugged her. "Thank you."

"And Dennis isn't boring," Quinn asserted, annoyed. "He's a brilliant law student."

"Yes, yes, I know," Rachel said.

Quinn looked at her, eyes, narrowed. "You think he's boring!" she accused.

"I didn't say that," Rachel told her.

"But you were thinking it!" Quinn said. "Sure, he's not sweet like Finn or perfect like Brody, but-"

"You think Brody is perfect?" Rachel cut in, shocked.

"No!" Quinn said quickly, blushing. "No, I meant…"

"You have a crush on Brody!" Rachel said, laughing. "You do! I can tell!"

Quinn shook her head. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said.

"Oh, this is great. I can tell Finn and maybe he'll stop wanting to kill Brody," Rachel said.

"Rachel, you can't say anything!" Quinn begged.

"Well…can I tell Finn? Just him?"

Quinn made a face. "You're going to anyway, aren't you?"

Rachel grinned. "He's so jealous of Brody," she told her friend. "If he thought that there was a chance of you two getting together…Quinn, it would really make him feel better. Maybe they could even be friends!"

"Just don't let Puck find out, okay?"

Rachel had nodded and promised her friend. And it had made Finn feel a little better. She smiled as she looked over from her seat at the window, watching him sleep. It had been hard to get over him leaving her; she probably still wasn't all the way over it. But Rachel was never one to linger on the past; she saw what she wanted and she took it. Finn was what she wanted. He was what she'd always wanted. Her friends probably thought she was crazy for taking him back, but she knew he really had thought what he was doing was for her. She was just glad that the big dummy had come to his senses.

He would be leaving in a couple of days. Any time she thought about being without him again she panicked. This was not healthy. This also could not be helped. Finn not being around drove her crazy. Finn being here made her insanely happy. Finn leaving again would make her insanely crazy.

At least this time she wasn't losing him. She refused to acknowledge even the possibility that he wouldn't be coming back from Afghanistan. He would come home to her, and that's what she knew. They would live in New York, get married and have babies. She would be a brilliant Broadway star and he would…do something. She frowned when she realized she had no idea what Finn wanted to do when he got out of the Army.

In his sleep he reached for her, lifting his head sleepily when he didn't find her beside him. "Hey," she said softly from the window.

"Hey," he said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Couldn't sleep?"

Rachel rose from her seat and walked to the bed, lying down beside him. "What do you want to do when you get out of the Army?" she asked him, pulling the blanket up and around both of them.

"I don't know," Finn told her, laying his head back down on the pillow and wrapping his arms around her. "I've been focusing on what's going to happen in Afghanistan."

"I just realized that I keep imagining you here with me when you're out, but I'm not even sure that's what you want."

"Wherever you are is where I want to be," he told her. "I'll figure out what I want to do eventually. The only thing that really matters is that I can be with you while I do it."

They were silent for a moment, Finn caressing Rachel's arm absentmindedly. "I like helping people," he said eventually. "I would like to do something where I could help."

"Helping how?" Rachel asked him.

Finn shrugged. "There are a lot of kids that have really horrible lives. If I could help make them just a little better…I think I could be happy doing that."

"As a teacher?"

Finn chuckled, the sound rumbling against her cheek. "No, not like a teacher," he told her. She tilted her face toward him and he kissed her. "I'm not sure what I want to do, but I know I'm not cut out to be a teacher."

"Well, you still have plenty of time to decide," Rachel told him.

Instead of answering, Finn rolled over, lying between her legs. Looking down into her face, lit by the light of the moon, he knew that it really didn't matter what he did as long as he had Rachel. Her hair was tousled and her lips slightly swollen from his kisses. She'd never been more beautiful to him. "I love you," he told her, his lips tenderly brushing against hers.

Rachel nodded, her head rising so that her lips pressed into his. "Prove it," she said.

Finn laughed, his warm lips moving down her neck. "I can do that," he told her, pulling his shirt over her head. She'd slipped it on earlier and was wearing nothing under it, which made Finn very happy.

His tongue circled her nipple before he sucked lightly on it, causing Rachel to moan and arch her back. Moving to the other breast, he repeated his action, his hand roaming down the side of her body and slipping between her legs. As his fingers worked, Rachel's breathing grew ragged and she moved under him, her body straining against him.

Finn's mouth moved down her stomach, but before it caught up with his hands Rachel stopped him. "It's my turn," she told him.

Finn let her push him over and he lay on his back, watching her. Rachel's eyes moved over his body, trying to commit every part of him to memory. She straddled him, nipping at his jaw while her hands moved across the hard expanse of his chest. She couldn't get over how different he felt now; everything about him was solid, stronger.

She licked at his neck, placing open mouthed kisses along his chest. When her tongue flicked over his flat nipple his hands grabbed her hips, pushing them down into his. Rachel cried out softly, looking up at him warningly. "I'm not done," she told him.

"Sorry," he said, grinning a little and moving his hands.

Rachel's mouth continued to move down his body, sliding his jogging pants down as she went. When her hands went around him his hips jerked, but he didn't touch her. Rachel's tongue licked the tip of him, swirling around him. Finn groaned, his hips jerking involuntarily. Taking him into her mouth, Rachel hummed quietly.

Finn clenched his hands into fists, every part of his body focused on the heat of her mouth as it ran the length of him. His toes curled and his eyes closed as her mouth moved, his hips jerking slightly at each ministration.

Finally he could take no more. "Rachel," he said, his voice thick and husky.

Rachel smiled as she looked up at him, delighted that she had such an effect on him. Rising up, she kept her eyes on his as she took him in her hand and guided him to her. Slowly sliding down on his length, Rachel moaned as he filled her. Finn's hands moved to her hips, but he didn't push her down on him; he waited for her. Finally seated all the way, Rachel leaned forward, causing both of them to gasp at the sensation.

Rachel moved her hips slowly, breathing through her mouth as he stretched her. His hand moved between them to caress her as she moved, causing her to jerk upright. Finn grinned at her. "Ride me," he said, moving his fingers along her wetness. Rachel's hips gyrated wildly on top of his, heat pouring through her body. She began moving faster, rolling first one way and then another. Finn's other hand moved along her body until he reached her breast. Rachel cried out when he squeezed it, pinching the nipple between his fingers.

She put her hands back on his knees, her hips pushing into his as she rode him desperately. The heat built inside her with every move, so much so that it was almost painful. She gasped every time his hips met her, crying out his name over and over. Finn felt her tighten around him as she shattered, milking him. While she rode out the ebbs of her climax he was finally able to grab her hips and pound up into her, groaning her name as he came.

Rachel dropped on to his chest, breathing hard. "If you could stay," she said after a moment, "I would never have to go to the gym again."

Finn kissed the top of her head. "Go to sleep, baby," he said, pulling the blanket over them. "In the morning we'll work out some more."

He didn't have to tell her twice. Rachel fell asleep on top of him before he'd even finished talking.


	6. Chapter 6

She woke slowly, in layers. She felt his large hand between her legs before she realized she was moaning. She was lying on her side, her back pressing against his chest. His teeth scraped her shoulder and she pushed her hips back into his, gasping.

Rachel hadn't even opened her eyes when he rolled her onto her stomach, lifting her hips and pushing into her. She cried out into her pillow, pushing back into him. Finn's hands grabbed her hips as he rammed into her, each thrust harder and faster than the last.

She lifted her head, breathing harshly through her mouth. Her entire body was on fire, every muscle clenching. She moved her hand between her legs, touching herself as she rocked back and forth. Finn groaned when he realized what she was doing, pounding into her harder.

Rachel almost passed out when she came, her entire body falling apart. If Finn hadn't been holding her hips, she would have sank bonelessly into the bed and just died. Finn found his release shortly after she did and cried out her name before falling to the bed beside her.

Rachel's entire body shook for a few moments. When her breathing was once again normal she rolled over to look at him. The sun was coming up outside and the light of dawn moved across his face. She smiled, wondering what he would say if he knew she thought he was beautiful. "Whatever that was," she said after a while, "feel free to do it any time you want."

"I woke up wanting you," he told her. "This is the first time it's happened that I could actually roll over and you were there."

Rachel remembered him reaching for her in his sleep last night. "Does it happen a lot?"

Finn shrugged. "It did for the first few months. I'd reach out for you and you wouldn't be there. Then I'd sit up until the sun rose missing you."

Rachel ran her hand across his bare chest, resting it over his heart. "I did the same," she told him. "I dreamt about you every night for a while. When I woke up and you weren't there, I always got this empty feeling in my stomach. Sometimes it wouldn't go away and I couldn't go back to sleep."

"I really am an idiot," Finn said, sighing as he rubbed her back. "We shouldn't have had to miss each other. I should be here, with you."

Rachel kissed his chest, and then looked up at him. "You are an idiot," she agreed, smiling a little. "But things will work out."

"What are we doing today?" he asked her.

"We're supposed to go out with Brody, Kurt and Noah," she told him.

"Brody, huh?"

Rachel laughed. "Yeah, Brody. He's a good friend, Finn."

"A good friend that wants to sleep with you," Finn grumbled.

"At least he has good taste," Rachel said, laughing when Finn attacked her, tickling her ribs.

When he'd finished, Finn laid back down on the bed with a sigh. "I don't want to have to share you today," he told her.

"Do you really want to spend the entire week locked up in this room?" she asked him.

"Hell yeah," he said, smiling crookedly. "Don't you?"

"Maybe," she said, laughing again. She considered it. "Do you think the guys would care?"

"Do you think I care if the other guys care?" Finn asked her. At her look, he shrugged. "Kurt would probably care."

"He's really missed you," Rachel said, nodding.

"I've really missed him, too," Finn told her.

"So we should spend time with him today."

Finn nodded. "But I'm not shopping." Rachel grinned. "No, Rach, I'm serious. No shopping."

"We'll see," Rachel said, kissing his stomach.


	7. Chapter 7

They hadn't gone shopping, but it wasn't for lack of trying on Kurt's part. Because it was New York City, there were a million things to do instead. Finn wanted to ride around on the subway. Puck wanted to go to a burlesque show, and convinced Brody that he wanted to go to one too. Rachel wanted to go sightseeing, something she hadn't felt like doing until she and Finn got back together.

They walked around as they debated, the guys buying hot dogs from stands that Rachel was certain had never been cleaned. She finally convinced Finn to vote for her choice and Kurt, realizing that he wasn't going to get to go shopping, thirded it. The Statue of Liberty it was.

But the line was terribly long. So long, in fact, that even Rachel decided that there were better things to do. They made it to the top of The Empire State Building, but quickly went back down after Rachel and Kurt discovered a serious fear of heights.

"I've never been afraid of heights before," Rachel said, frowning.

"You've never been up that high before," Puck told her, putting his arm over her shoulder and pulling her close.

"Do you like being in the Army?" Rachel asked him as they walked along, the other three men walking behind them and arguing about where to go next.

"I guess," he told her. "I don't really know what I'd be doing if I wasn't in it."

"What do you want to do when you get out?" she asked him.

Puck laughed, looking down at her. "I have no idea."

"There seems to be a lot of that going around," Rachel said, grinning up at him.

"Yeah, well, not everyone grew up knowing exactly what they wanted to do," Puck told her good-naturedly.

Rachel nodded. "I'm lucky that way."

Puck looked back at Finn, then at her. "I'm glad you took him back," he told her. "He was driving me crazy."

Rachel shrugged. "I love him."

"I know," he told her.

"You shouldn't be so hard on Quinn," Rachel told him. "It was really hard for her to leave Beth."

Puck made a noise. "Let's change the subject before I kick something," he said.

Behind them, Kurt got a phone call and walked off. Finn looked over to see Brody watching Rachel as she and Puck walked along, chatting happily. Finn debated for a minute, and then looked over at the other guy. "I'm going to need you to stop watching my girlfriend like that," he finally said.

Brody looked at him, surprised. "What?"

Finn looked into his eyes for a moment. "You know what I mean." Before Brody could say anything, he continued, "I get it. She's beautiful, fun, smart…she's perfect. But she's mine. And she's always going to be mine."

Brody shrugged. "I care about her. Did I want to date her? Yeah. Do I still want to date her? Yeah. Am I going to make a move while she's with another guy? No." He stopped walking and looked at Finn. "But I need to be clear about something. The moment she's single? I'm making a move."

Finn had stopped walking too. "She's not going to be single."

"I guess you have nothing to worry about then," Brody told him.

Finn narrowed his eyes. "Like I said, I don't blame you for wanting her. But she's mine."

Brody crossed his arms. "And like I said, I'm not going to make a move while you're together."

Finn moved a little closer to him. "I'm not comfortable with the idea of you hanging around her all the time while I'm gone, knowing that you're planning this move of yours."

Brody shrugged. "What do you want me to do? Stop being her friend?"

Finn crossed his own arms. "Look at it this way," he told the other man. "If you're going to be a part of Rachel's life, you're going to be a part of mine. Checking out my girlfriend's ass is a good way to make the relationship uncomfortable."

"I didn't realize I was," Brody told him. "And if I was, I'm sorry."

Finn stared at him, and then nodded. "It just freaks me out that I'm leaving her here," he said. He looked up at Rachel and groaned. "She's so hot," he complained.

"It's not like you can put a bag over her head," Brody said. When Finn's face lit up he snorted, laughing. "Seriously, bro, not gonna happen."

Kurt finished his phone call and joined them. "What have we decided?" he asked them, referring to their earlier conversation.

"That Brody's going to keep his hands to himself while I'm gone," Finn told his brother.

"And that Finn can't force Rachel to wear a bag over her head," Brody said.

Kurt looked at his brother, then at Brody. "Okay, then," he said as they started walking again. "Moving on."

"Who was on the phone?" Finn asked Kurt.

"Blaine," Kurt told him.

"How did that go?"

Kurt shrugged. "I'm not going to cry anymore," he said. "When he graduates, he's planning on coming up here. I'm just waiting for that to happen."

"So are you two going to be together then?" Finn asked him.

"We don't know," Kurt said, sighing. "I love him and he loves me. We've both used this time to date other people, but that hasn't changed. I don't think it will for me."

"But you think it will for him?" Brody asked.

"I hope not," Kurt said. "But I'm not going to dwell on it. There's nothing I can do about it."

"I'm sorry," Finn told him. "You know, for not being around when you guys broke up."

"You should have been," Kurt told him. "I could have used you." Seeing Finn's face, he smiled a little. "I forgive you."

Finn grinned as they caught up with Rachel and Puck. Since it was getting late, they decided to go to a bar. Finn slid into the booth beside Rachel, looking around the place. It was dark and crowded, the music blaring loudly over speakers he couldn't see. "Ever been here before?" he asked Rachel, his eyes following the trail of her throat to the rise of her breasts. He'd thought her little skirts were going to kill him (and they still might), but her choice in shirts was what was driving him crazy right now.

Rachel shook her head. "I haven't really gotten out much," she told him, shrugging out of her coat.

"There are a lot of places like this in Texas," he told her.

"Yeah? You and Puck go out a lot?"

Finn caught the note of jealousy in her voice and looked up at her eyes. "No," he said, smiling at her. "Not a lot." Normal Rachel was hot. Jealous Rachel made his pants uncomfortably tight.

"Don't you smile at me like that," she told him, smiling herself.

Puck pulled a chair up to their table while Brody and Kurt slid into the booth across from them. After a round of drinks arrived, they sat and talked for a while. Painfully aware of Rachel's body pressed so close to his, Finn had trouble concentrating on anything but her. Finally deciding to do something about it, his hand slid up her leg under the table as he and Kurt talked about basic training. Rachel, who was discussing a class with Brody, gasped but didn't look at him.

Finn smiled as he talked, his hand running farther up her thigh. His other hand clenched when Rachel let her legs fall open, her knee nudging his. Not sure how far she'd let him go, Finn's finger kept moving up, rubbing over her underwear. Out of the corner of his eye he was able to see her breath hitch, but besides that she showed no outward sign of what was going on under the table.

He slid a finger inside the soft cotton, looking at her in surprise when he realized how wet she was. Rachel refused to meet his eyes, sitting back in the seat and listening to Brody talk. Finn nodded to himself; time to see how good of an actress she really was.

His finger explored her, slipping inside of her for a moment before moving to caress her tiny bud. Rachel reached for her beer, taking a long drink. Using his thumb to tease her, he pushed his other finger inside her, stroking her. Rachel choked on her beer, coughing. "You okay, baby?" he asked her sweetly.

Her cheeks flushed, Rachel looked at him. "Yeah, but I think I need to wash my hands. Can you let me out?"

"I have to go too," he told her. "I'll walk you there."

Rachel wasn't sure that her legs were going to hold her up as she slid out of the booth. "Order another round," she told Puck.

They walked to the back of the bar, Finn practically dragging her. Rachel wasn't sure what he was planning, but she had a feeling they were going into the same restroom. When he pushed through the women's door, she knew she was right. He looked under the stalls, making sure no one else was in the room. Finding it empty, he turned around and locked the door behind them.

Rachel didn't have time to say anything before he dropped to his knees in front of her, lifting her skirt and pushing her panties aside. "Finn," she said, planning on pointing out how gross the floor probably was. When he spread her legs further apart and his tongue licked her, she lost any ability to think rationally.

Finn had to taste her; he needed her to fall apart against his tongue. While his tongue worked he pushed two fingers inside her, causing her to cry out. She put her hands over her mouth as her body trembled, her legs shaking so much she was afraid she would fall down. Wave after wave of heat hit her and she couldn't breathe. She pushed her hips against his hand, whimpering as the pleasure bordered on pain.

Finn didn't lift his head to look at her, but he knew she was falling apart. Her hips moved more wildly as the sounds she was making grew more frantic. When she tightened around his fingers and moaned, he tasted her release. He let her ride it out, finally looking up at her. Her eyes were closed, her hands dropping from her mouth.

Standing, he pushed her skirt down and kissed her hard. Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck, her body still shaking with the power of her climax. She pushed her hips into him and he pulled back. "No time for that," he told her before plunging his tongue into her mouth. Rachel's tongue danced with his, and she realized that she didn't care if everyone in New York City was watching them; she wanted him. Now.

"Finn," she said, her hands trying to find their way down into jeans.

Finn broke away, breathing hard. "We can't, Rach," he said. "We need to go back to the table." He felt like he was going to explode, and the way she was looking at him wasn't helping. He pushed away from the door, trying not to touch her. "Let's go."

Rachel felt like she was falling apart. "Finn," she tried again.

"Rach, we need to get out of this bathroom," he told her, still unable to control his breathing. "You go ahead. I'll catch up."

She tried to compose herself, straightening her skirt. "Do I look okay?" she asked him.

Finn made a noise, nodding. "Go baby," he told her. "I'll be out in a minute."

Rachel thought about reaching for him again but decided against it. She opened the door and went out, leaving Finn standing alone in the women's bathroom and wondering how much trouble he'd get in if he never went back to Texas and just stayed in New York.


	8. Chapter 8

So he left. And she stayed. And the world continued spinning, classes kept going, rehearsals, dance, vocal lessons…everything went on. Rachel went on, too. She met with her friends for coffee, she went shopping with Kurt, she re-watched all of her old Barbara Streisand movies…it was amazingly normal.

Finn had said that it would be different this time, and he was right. They talked on the phone every chance they could, and every now and then she'd get a letter from him. Every night she wrote down a few things she'd forgotten to tell him when they'd talked and once a week she'd send the letter off. He was gone, but they were still together. And if it was possible, they were more in love than they'd ever been.

There were other ways it was different this time, though. Rachel worried about him constantly. Before, she hadn't known where he was or what he was doing. Her worry for his person had been a vague feeling in her heart from time to time. Now she knew exactly where he was and what he was doing, and her worry kept her up most nights. She prayed several times throughout the day for him, and watched the news every time it came on. She was driving herself and everyone around her crazy, but she couldn't help it.

There was another huge difference this time…Rachel was pretty sure she was pregnant. She'd put off the thought for as long as she could, but it was time to face it; she was carrying Finn's baby. The idea both terrified and excited her. She wasn't ready to have a baby. She couldn't bear the thought of not having the baby. Worry for Finn was only pushed aside when she started freaking out about her own life. She was basically in a constant state of panic.

She hadn't told anyone about the baby; not even Kurt. If she really was pregnant, she wanted Finn to be the first person to know. She wasn't sure how he'd take it, though, and that was an entirely different set of problems. Would he be mad? Would he want the baby or tell her to give it up? What if he wanted her to have an abortion? While she didn't think that was likely, it was something that she thought about at 3 am while staring at the ceiling. And what if, God forbid, he wanted to name the baby?

Her mind was a steady stream of question after question. Could she stay in school after having a child? Would she have to move back to Lima and live with her dads? Did this mean she would have to give up her dreams? She's only 19. That's way too early to have a baby. Or was it? Lots of people had a baby when they were young. Look at Quinn. Rachel shuddered…no, don't look at Quinn.

She stared worriedly at the phone, having decided to call Finn and tell him. She held the fifth positive pregnancy test in her hand, unable to let it go for some reason. She had to call him. She had to. That was all there was to it. Or she could put it off a little longer…no, it was time to tell him.

Hitting the button, she put the phone up to her ear and held her breath. "Hello?" a woman answered.

Rachel pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it for a minute. "Is this Finn's phone?" she finally asked, certain she'd somehow dialed the wrong number.

"Yeah," the woman told her. "He's in the shower. Want me to go get him?"

Rachel dropped the pregnancy test. "No, thanks," she mumbled, hanging up.

Putting her face in her hands, she was aware of a faint buzzing in her ears. She took several deep breaths, trying to force the bile back down her throat. She wasn't going to be sick, she told herself. She wasn't going to panic. There was a simple explanation for a woman answering Finn's phone while he was in the shower and offering to go get him. While he was naked. In the shower. She was his long lost sister. He'd gotten a splinter and she was a nurse. She was housekeeping. Did the Army have housekeeping? WHY HADN'T SHE EVER ASKED FINN IF THE ARMY HAD HOUSEKEEPING?

Picking her phone back up, Rachel dialed Puck's number. "Hey Rach," Puck answered, the smile evident in his voice. "How's my Jewish American Princess?'

Even though she felt like she was going to throw up, Rachel couldn't help but smile. "Hey Noah," she said. "How are you?" Small talk. Small talk was the key to not falling apart. Small talk and Finn not cheating on her.

"Good for now," he told her. "It's nasty out today, though. I've got sand everywhere. And I mean everywhere."

Rachel laughed a little. "I can imagine. Do you, uh, know where Finn is?" He's getting sand removed from his nostrils. He wet the bed and housekeeping is changing the sheets. He is NOT getting ready to walk out of the shower and into a room with a woman that isn't her. That's exactly what he is not doing.

"He went to get cleaned up, said he was going to stay in tonight, get some rest," Puck told her. "Did you try to call him?" Rachel opened her mouth, but no words would come out. Finn had made plans to stay in…with another woman. "Rachel?"

Rachel shook her head. "Oh, yeah," she told him. "He must have been in the shower." He had been in the shower, she thought sadly.

"If I see him, I'll make sure he calls you," Puck told her. "Everything okay? You sound a little funny."

"No, I'm fine," Rachel told him, her heart pounding. "Hey Noah, I have to go. Be safe, okay?"

"Will do," he told her. "Love you, Berry."

"I love you too," she said softly, hanging up. She didn't have any more excuses for him. She couldn't imagine what a good reason for Finn to be showering while a woman waited in his room would be, and she was already exhausted from the last two minutes of trying to come up with answers.

There was no stopping it this time; Rachel fell apart.


	9. Chapter 9

"Rachel…Rachel! Stop it! What are you doing?" Kurt grabbed the woman's shoulders, shaking her a bit. He'd come into her room to find her throwing things into a suitcase and in a state of hysteria.

"I'm going to Afghanistan!" she told him, face red with exertion. "If he thinks he's going to cheat on me, he has another thing coming!"

"Just breathe, Rachel," Kurt said, walking her over to the bed and forcing her to sit down. "Calm down a little and tell me what's going on."

"Finn's got some floozy in his room!" Rachel yelled, throwing the shirt she was holding on top of the pile she was making.

"Floozy, huh?" Kurt said, watching her.

Rachel glared at him. "Yes, floozy."

"So what if there's a girl in his room?" Kurt asked. "Did you ask him about her?"

"Well I would have, but he was in the shower," Rachel told him. "And the floozy offered to go get him for me."

"I see," Kurt said. "So you haven't talked to him at all?"

"No, but I will," Rachel told him. "As soon as I get to Afghanistan."

"Can you even go to Afghanistan?" Kurt wondered out loud.

"Why couldn't I?"

Kurt shrugged. "I don't know. There is a war going on there, you know."

"I know," she told him. "But surely people can fly in and out of there."

"Would that be…safe?" Kurt asked as he eyed her.

"I don't care," Rachel told him. "I have to kill the floozy."

Kurt took a deep breath. When Rachel got all wild eyed and crazy, it was hard to know what to say and what to leave unsaid. "Maybe you should call back and actually talk to Finn," he suggested.

Rachel looked at him, shocked. "Are you serious? So he can lie to me? To my face? Or my ear? Or…whatever?" She shook her head. "No way."

"Okay, Rachel, what the hell is going on?" Kurt asked her. "You love Finn. You trust Finn. You know that he wouldn't cheat on you."

"A floozy answered his phone and offered to go get him while he was in the shower!" she repeated shrilly.

Kurt picked up her phone from the bed and scrolled to Finn's number. "What are you doing?" she asked him.

Kurt put his finger up, silencing her. "Hello, Finn? Yes, this is Kurt not Rachel. She's here, though, freaking out." He was quiet for a minute, and nodded. "Well, I know she freaks out a lot, but this is a major freak out."

"Kurt!" Rachel shrieked, hitting him with her pillow. "I'm not listening to this," she told him, throwing the pillow down and putting her hands over her ears.

"Well, she says that she called you earlier and a floozy answered your phone and offered to go get you while you were in the shower," he stopped talking for a moment. "I know, scandalous," he agreed, chuckling. "Uh huh. Yeah. Oh yeah." Rachel kept glaring at him as he talked. "Okay, do you want to talk to her?"

Kurt held the phone out to her and she shook her head, refusing to take it. "No," she said. "I'm not talking to him."

Kurt tossed the phone on the bed. "Talk to your boyfriend," he told her. "I've had enough for a while."

Rachel watched as he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. She could hear Finn saying her name over the phone, but didn't pick it up. She stared at the wall for a moment, then closed her eyes and let out a breath.

"Yes?" she said, picking up the phone.

"You mad?" he asked her, and she could see the crooked grin even though it was a million miles away.

"So, who's the floozy?" she asked, her voice cracking slightly.

"Rachel," he said, sighing. "It's Mac."

"Mac?" she asked.

"Mackenzie? Puck's…uh, friend?"

"You're screwing Noah's girlfriend?!" Rachel screamed at him over the phone.

She heard voices over the other end of the line and then Puck got on the phone. "Hey, Rach, I'm not sure what's going on, but I can hear you all the way across the room. I assure you that your boy is definitely not getting with my girl."

"She was in his room earlier!" Rachel told him. "While he was showering!"

"You mean when you called?"

"Yes!"

"I was on my way up here," Puck told her. "Mac was waiting for me."

Rachel shook her head. "Noah, she offered to go get him while he was in the shower," Rachel told him.

Puck laughed. "Hudson doesn't have anything she's not already seen," he told her. "Look, Rach, things are different for women in the Army. They're a different kind of woman."

"Floozies?"

"No, not floozies," Puck told her, still laughing. "I've got to go. Just talk to Finn. And Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

"You might want to apologize."

"I'm sorry for calling your girlfriend a floozy," she said.

Puck shook his head. "No, not to me. Mac is a floozy- that's why I like her. To your boyfriend."

Faced with the fact that she'd horribly misunderstood the entire situation, Rachel cringed. "Rachel?"

"Yeah," she said quietly. "Look, Finn…I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," he told her, lying back in his bed. Before Kurt had called, he'd been asleep. "I didn't even know you'd called or I would have called you back. What's up?"

Rachel looked at her bed and the pile of clothes lying on top of her suitcase. "I'm an idiot," she said thickly. "I'm going crazy here."

"It's not that big of a deal," he told her.

"No, it is," she told him, the tears she'd been trying to hold back falling freely down her face. "I'm freaking out about everything."

"I love you," he told her. "Just try to remember that."

Rachel nodded. "How much do you love me?" she asked, wiping some of the tears away.

"More than anything," he told her. "What's really wrong, baby?"

Rachel stood up, pacing the room. "I have something to tell you. Something important."

"I'm listening," he told her, stretching his legs out.

"I'm pregnant," she told him, closing her eyes and holding her breath.

Finn shot up out of his bed. "What?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Are you sure?" he asked her, his brain not yet caught up to the conversation.

"I haven't been to the doctor yet, but I'm sure."

"Okay," he said, pacing himself. "Okay."

"So…what should we do?" she asked him.

"What do you want to do?" he asked her.

"What do you want to do?" She was so afraid of his answer that she thought she might pass out. What if he started yelling? What if he told her he'd pay for an abortion? What if he got mad and blamed her for ruining his life?

Finn stopped walking and stared at the wall. "We're having a baby?" He actually sounded…hopeful? Happy?

"Yeah," Rachel said, smiling a little. "We are."

"A little Rachel?"

She laughed, still crying. "Or a little Finn."

Finn dropped down on the side of his bed. "I wish I was there," he said. "I should be there."

"I wish you were here too," she told him. "So…you want the baby?"

"God, yes," he told her. A thought struck him. "Wait…do you?"

"Yes," she told him, biting her lip. "But…what does this mean? What will happen to us?"

Finn thought about Rachel's dreams. "Rach…can you still be a star if you have this baby?"

"I don't know," she told him honestly. "But I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't."

A wave of relief swept through him when she said that. "We're going to have a baby," he said, grinning. "We'll be a family!"

Rachel nodded though he couldn't see her. "A family," she said, putting a hand on her stomach.

"I'm going to see if there's any way I can get back to the states soon," he told her. "Some sort of leave or…something."

"Okay," Rachel told him. "We'll be here…waiting for you."

"I love you, Rachel," he told her, surprised to discover that he was crying as well. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," she told him.

They'd talked for the next two hours, with Finn saying he didn't need to sleep. They discussed how they were going to tell their parents and friends, and Rachel vetoed three names he came up with. She's promised him that she would stop freaking out over every little thing. (Or she would try to, anyway.) When they got off the phone she laid back on the bed, smiling. Everything was going to work out; she and Finn and their baby were going to be a family.


	10. Chapter 10

"…so I completely understand if you won't want to stay with me next year," Rachel finished. From the look of complete shock on Kurt's face, he was having a hard time dealing with the news of her pregnancy.

He wasn't the only one. Both of her dads had cried, and so had Carol. They weren't sad they were getting a grandbaby…they were just sad that their babies were having a baby at this point in their lives. Only Burt had taken it in stride. "It was going to happen eventually, right?" he'd said on one line of the phone when Finn had talked to them.

"Eventually, but not when they're so young," Carol had said before bursting into tears.

Rachel knew that had been hard for Finn, but it was nothing compared to what happened when her fathers were on the phone.

"I'm pregnant," she'd said.

Absolute silence for a full minute, followed by a wail that had hurt her ears. Hiram was known for his dramatics, and this was no different. Leroy was quieter about the whole thing, but he sniffled through the rest of the conversation. "At least we know and love Finn," he'd said.

Rachel smiled a little. Everyone that knew Finn loved him; that's the way it had always been. Having a family with such a lovable man was definitely not the worst thing that could happen. It helped that he was her true love. How many people could say that?

Kurt was still speechless, so Rachel shook her head to clear her thoughts and put her hand over his. "Kurt?"

"Congratulations!" he finally said, coming around the table to hug her. "You're sure?"

Rachel nodded. "I went to the doctor this morning. The baby is due sometime in late August. We'll have an exact date, or as close as we can get to it, after the ultrasound."

Kurt sat down in the chair right beside her and looked her over. "I can't tell," he said, then blushed. "Not that I should be able to at this point. Should I?"

Rachel laughed a little, shrugging. "I don't think so," she told him. "There's so much that I don't know about, though…" At times like these, she really wished that she and Shelby could have had a better relationship.

"We'll have to start buying books," Kurt told her. "And I saw a series of videos on Youtube about taking care of yourself while you're pregnant." He thought for a moment, looking around. "We'll need a bigger apartment; this place will simply not do."

Rachel felt close to tears at these words. "So…you'll stay with me?"

"Of course I'll stay," Kurt told her. He squeezed her hand. "You're my best friend, and that's my niece or nephew. You'll both need me. At least until Finn gets back." He looked over at the calendar hanging on the wall. "Will he be able to come home when you have the baby?"

Rachel nodded. "He can come home for a week," she told him, "if everything goes right." She sighed, thinking about all the different ways things could go wrong. "I wish he could be here now."

Kurt bit his lip, then said, "Blaine wants to move to New York after graduation."

"Really?" Rachel said. "That's wonderful!"

"I think so," he said. "It's been hard…without him."

"So you two are going to try to work things out?"

"We tried doing the separate thing, but it didn't work." He smiled. "Sort of like you and Finn."

"That's good," Rachel said, and then frowned. "But with the baby…won't Blaine...?"

"I'll have to talk to him," Kurt told her. "No matter what, I'm with you kid. And I'm sure Blaine will feel the same way. If he doesn't, he can find an apartment close by or stay in a dorm."

"What school will he go to?" Rachel asked, assuming he would want to go to NYADA.

"NYU, like me," Kurt told her. Kurt had decided that if he couldn't get into NYADA, he'd come to New York anyway and somehow make it work. He was a student at NYU, studying set design and fashion. He loved performing and would always try out for roles, but he loved design and fashion just as much; maybe more. "Pre-Law, though."

"I can see that," Rachel said, smiling.

"I can too," Kurt said dreamily. "Anyway, I'm sure he'll be fine with helping out you and baby Drizzle." He grinned cheekily at her, dodging her swatting hand.

"Finn is not naming the baby!" she cried, swatting at him again. "Not the first names anyway," she said with a grimace.

"Oh no, did you give him the middle names?" Kurt asked, horrified.

"What was I supposed to do?" Rachel asked miserably, dropping her head onto the table.

"Something!" Kurt told her. "You have to take it back!" He stared at his friends head for a minute. "Dear God, just think of it."

Rachel lifted her head and glared at him. "You're not helping."

"The last name will be Hudson, right? Can't he just be happy with that?"

Rachel looked at him, shocked. "We're not married," she said. "My baby will be born to unmarried parents!"

"Yes, but that's not unusual for this day and age," Kurt assured her.

"But I don't want our baby to be born to unmarried parents!" Rachel said, agitated. "We should be married. Why aren't we? What if Finn doesn't want to marry me?"

"Whoa," Kurt said. "Calm down, Rachel. Getting so worked up can't be good for the baby."

"But he hasn't even mentioned it," Rachel said. "What if…what if he doesn't?"

"Rachel, Finn wants nothing more than to marry you and have 2.5 kids and live happily ever after," Kurt told her. "That's all he's ever wanted."

"Do you think so?"

Kurt nodded. "I know it."

"Do you think he'll ask me?"

"I'm sure he will, eventually."

"Should I say yes?"

Kurt sighed. "Do you want to be married to him?" he asked patiently.

"Yes."

"Well then yes, I think you should say yes."

"I'm sorry," Rachel said, smiling ruefully. "I know I'm acting like a crazy person. I don't mean to be. It's just that this is all so new and exciting…and frightening."

"It's okay, little diva," Kurt told her, smiling back at her. "That's what I'm here for."


	11. Chapter 11

"What should I do?" Finn asked Puck as they walked out of their building toward their Humvee.

"I still can't believe it," Puck told him, shaking his head as he jumped up into the truck. "Are you both sure you're ready for a baby?"

"No," Finn told him, following him up and sitting across from him. "But we both know we want it."

Puck shrugged. "I wouldn't trade Beth for anything," he told his friend. "She's changed so much about my life…" he looked over at his friend. "It'll be a good thing."

Finn smiled a little, ducking his head as their friend Bobby moved to sit beside him. "I think so." His grin widened. "A little Rachel? How cool would that be?"

"Or a little Finn you can teach to play the drums," Puck said.

"Oh man," Finn said, touching his chest where his heart was. "Oh man."

"I know," Puck told him, nodding. "It's heavy."

Finn closed his eyes and sat back, thinking about Rachel and his child. She was so small…imagining her with a swollen belly and glowing stirred something in his heart that he couldn't put a name to. "I have to marry her," he told Puck, grabbing onto the side of the truck as it started moving down the road.

"You don't have to," Puck told him, almost yelling to be heard over the noise the truck made.

"I want to," Finn yelled back. "I love her, man." He grinned. "I want us to be a family. I want it all."

Puck watched his friend for a moment, thinking. Finn and Rachel were nothing like he and Quinn. They weren't as young, but that wasn't it. They were truly in love. They'd started out in love, and they still were. Puck believed that sixty years from now would find them, still happy, still together, still in love. They were going to make it, where he and Quinn had never really had a chance. "You guys will have it," he told Finn, meaning it.

"And you'll be my best man," Finn told him. "Right?"

"I'm always going to be your best man, bro," Puck told him. "Always."

Finn nodded, closing his eyes again and resting his head back against the seat. As they bumped along, he cursed himself once again for joining the Army. At least they were going to pay for his college, something he wouldn't have been able to do on his own. And he and Puck had gotten a bonus for signing up, which would definitely help out. Puck had tried to give his bonus to Shelby, but the woman wouldn't take it. He'd instead set up a trust fund for his daughter; when Beth reached 18, the money would be hers. Shelby had been okay with that.

Finn sighed; he missed Rachel. There was nowhere else he'd rather be than by her side. He didn't know if she got sick in the mornings or when her next doctor's appointment was. He didn't know if she was showing yet or not, or if she remembered to take her vitamins every day. He wanted to be there for these things, and he couldn't be. He wished every night that there was some way he could get out of this mess and go home to her, but he knew he couldn't. So he did what he was supposed to and spent all of his time wishing and hoping.

It would work out. She was having the baby in late August and he would be out of the service about eight months after that. Their deployment was up in July, though, so he'd be stateside for the birth. And maybe she could come stay with him on base for the last month or two; she wasn't going to go to school in the fall semester. She was going to take that time to be with the baby and then go back to school in the spring. If she was willing, she could move to the base and they really could be a family. Once he was out, they'd live together in New York and never have to be apart again. Just the idea of it made him smile.

He almost dozed off planning out his future. So deep in thought, he didn't have a chance to be surprised when the Humvee drove over an IED. The last thing he saw was Rachel, round and happy, in his mind.


	12. Chapter 12

"Quinn?"

Quinn's head jerked up and she looked over at his hospital bed, thinking she was imagining that he was awake. Seeing his eyes open, she stood and rushed to his side. "Noah?"

"Am I dead?" he asked, moving his head a little and wincing at the searing pain the small movement caused.

"No," Quinn said, shaking her head. Tears fell down her cheeks as she reached for his hand. "No, you're not dead."

"You called me Noah," he said, deciding to just sit still and try to focus on her face. He couldn't; everything was blurry. "Am I hurt bad?"

Still crying, Quinn nodded. "You'll be okay, though, okay? It'll take a little while…but you're going to be okay."

"What happened?"

"You're burned," she told him, wiping some of the tears from her face. "You had third degree burns over the left half of your body."

As if to confirm this, he suddenly felt as if his body was on fire. Most of it, anyway. "Am I…I can't feel my leg, Quinn."

"No, it's okay," she told him. "They're just keeping it numb. It would hurt too much…" she cleared her throat. "They were able to save it," she said. "They had thought for a while that they wouldn't be able to…but they did."

"My face?" he asked, feeling for the first time the bandages that covered the left side of his head.

"It's burned," she told him softly. "But the doctors have been talking about skin grafting and…"

"My whole face is burned?"

"Mostly the back of your head and the left side of your face," she told him. "The right side is fine."

"Finn," Puck said suddenly. "Where's Finn?"

Quinn didn't say anything for a moment. "Noah…"

Puck's stomach twisted at her tone. "Where the hell is he?" he demanded, trying to lift his head. He got dizzy and dropped it, feeling sick. "Where is he?" he asked again, tears in his voice.

Quinn shook her head. "Finn didn't make it," she told him softly, her words catching on a sob.

"No," Puck moaned, closing his eyes. "No, he's okay." He opened his eyes and tried to look into hers. "He made it, Quinn."

"I'm so sorry," she told him, crying harder. She tried to stop the tears, but couldn't.

"No," Puck said again, his hand tightening around hers. "No."

"The explosion threw you from the truck," Quinn told him quietly. "A piece of the seat landed on top of you. It was on fire, and your clothes caught fire too." She stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath. "The rest of the guys were still in the truck," she said in a whisper. "They didn't make it out."

"No!" Puck yelled, the pain in his head so severe he almost blacked out. Quinn jumped, startled. "Finn made it! He was thrown out too!"

She pushed the button on the side of the bed, hoping that a nurse would come into the room before he hurt himself. "Noah…"

"No, listen to me, Quinn, listen," he was telling her, using her hand to pull her closer to him. "Finn would have made it. He had to."

A nurse rushed into the room and put some medicine into his IV, pushing Quinn out of the way. "He's alive, Quinn," Puck was saying as she backed away from the bed, crying. "He's alive! He's going to marry Rachel and they're having a baby!" His words began to slur as tears fell down his face. "I'm going to be his best man…he's alive…"

Quinn slid down the wall, putting her face in her hands and sobbing. She cried for Finn, her friend who had died in a truck in Afghanistan fighting a war he didn't understand. She cried for Rachel, who had taken the news so hard she'd been admitted to the hospital. She cried for Kurt, who hadn't said a word since receiving the news and sat alone in his dark living room. She cried for Carol, who was heavily sedated and unable to leave her bedroom. She cried for the baby that would never know its father, and for all of the people whose lives had been made better by knowing Finn. And she cried for herself, the silly girl who had at one time been in love with him, realizing that a huge part of all of their lives was never coming back.


	13. Chapter 13

It rained the day of his funeral. Rachel welcomed the rain as she stood between her fathers at the graveyard. She looked out at all the people gathered into this tiny cemetery in Lima and thought that Finn would have been touched that so many had shown up to see him off. She probably would have, too…if she could feel anything.

When Rachel had opened the door to find Burt, crying, she'd known. He didn't have to say anything. The moment Rachel had seen his face the blackness had crept in, leaving her lying on the floor before he could even catch her. She'd been so upset that she couldn't function, couldn't reason. After three days in the hospital, she'd stopped feeling anything. There was no more hurt, no more sadness, no more anything.

She knew everyone was worried about her. She didn't speak unless spoken to, and then only a few words. She ate, but not enough. She saw their looks and heard their whispers. She wanted to reassure them that she was okay, but she couldn't. Because she wasn't.

A man from the Army had come by last night and talked to her fathers. There wasn't really enough of the soldiers left to ship them home; they were burying an empty coffin. Rachel had walked away, unable to listen to any more. She'd buried her head in her pillow and fallen into a deep, dark sleep.

Puck wasn't here; he was still in the hospital. Quinn had flown back home for the funeral, but she was going back to be with him. His mother and Sarah had been by his bedside for the first few days, but they'd had to come home for Sarah to go to school. Quinn had stayed, barely leaving his side though he wouldn't talk to her. He and Kurt had that in common; Finn's death had left them both silent.

Puck refused to believe Finn was gone. He'd ranted and raved for hours, every time he'd regained consciousness. After the first day of trying to convince everyone he was right, he'd stopped talking completely. It was slow going, but his body was healing. Quinn had told Rachel it wasn't his body she was worried about, though.

Rachel didn't hear any of the words the preacher said. She was thinking about Regionals their junior year; the first time Finn had told her he loved her. She remembered the little smile that had played at the corner of his mouth after he told her; he'd reminded her of a young boy who'd made a statement he was particularly proud of. When they'd walked through the curtains and started to sing, Rachel had felt whole for the first time in her life. The audience didn't matter…even winning didn't matter. And winning had meant everything to her.

He had been important to her, but it was that moment that he became someone she'd never be able to live without. He'd found his way so deeply into her heart he'd be there forever.

She didn't realize the service was over until she heard Leroy say "Amen" beside her. A man dressed in a military uniform stood before her, handing her a folded American flag. Rachel took it and looked down at it, unable to comprehend anything the man said to her.

People passed by, hugging her and shaking her hand. Rachel couldn't look at any of them. And then it was only his close family and friends left and Rachel realized it was almost time to go. "No," she said as Hiram turned to leave. "No, I can't leave him." Even if Finn's body wasn't in the coffin, this was his funeral. This was his grave. This was Finn. "No, I can't."

"Rachel, baby, we have to go," Leroy told her, his voice thick with tears. "It's raining and it's cold out here."

"No, Daddy, I can't leave him," she said, looking up at her father.

"Rachel," Hiram said, looking at Leroy. "He's not here anymore."

Rachel shook her head. "Don't say that." She jerked her arm away from his hand and backed away from him. "Don't say it."

"Rachel…"

"No!" she cried, her heart feeling as if it were ripping open all over again. "He can't be gone, Daddy. He can't be gone!"

Quinn stood beside Leroy, crying. "Rachel, you can't stay here."

"He loved me," she told them. She moved to the stone bearing his name and kneeled before it, her knees sinking into the fresh mud. "He wouldn't leave me," she told them. "He just wouldn't." Rachel, who hadn't been able to feel anything, suddenly felt too much. With her forehead pressed against the wet stone, sobs ripped from her throat, her entire body shaking.

Kurt was the one that picked her up from the mud. He walked slowly as she wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his shirt; he didn't want to leave either. He wasn't yet willing to let Finn go. Only knowing that he had to protect Rachel and his brother's baby had forced him to move. He had promised Finn that he would take care of them while he was gone; he would keep his promise.


	14. Chapter 14

Because Burt was a Senator, there had been a lot of press at Finn's funeral. A photographer that was there took a picture of Rachel kneeling in front of Finn's grave and soon it was plastered over newspapers across the country. Lawmakers from both sides of the political aisle were using Rachel and her loss as a stepping stone for their agenda. People followed her everywhere she went, writing articles about her life without Finn. They didn't have much to write.

Rachel hadn't been able to stay in Lima, so she'd come back to New York with Kurt. She'd dropped out of school and didn't think she'd ever go back. Everything in her life was falling apart, and she couldn't seem to do anything about it.

Kurt made her eat, made her shower, and made her walk with him every day. He told her stories and watched Barbara movies with her, buying her clothes that would fit her ever expanding belly. Most nights found them on the couch, her feet in his lap, and both staring out the window instead of at the TV. She knew he was thinking about Finn, just like she was. But they didn't talk about it.

Hearing the door open, Rachel turned around from her seat at the window. Her eyes widened as she realized who'd walked in, her mouth dropping open. "April Rhodes?"

"Well hey, darlin'," the small blonde said, walking into the room. "Your friend let me in, told me what room I could find you in." She looked around Rachel's dark room, noticing the unmade bed and piles of clothes. "Well this is depressing."

"I'm sorry," Rachel said, shaking her head. "But I don't really understand…?"

"Oh, why I'm here?" April said, tossing some clothes off a chair and sitting down in it. "Well it's sure not for home decorating tips, I'll tell you that." Rachel didn't say anything, watching the woman. "Will called me," she told Rachel.

"Mr. Schuester? Why?"

"Well, it seems that everyone is in a tizzy, worrying about lil ol' you."

Rachel's forehead wrinkled. "But why call you?"

April picked up a picture from Rachel's desk. Finn smiled at her, wearing his football jersey and looking so alive and happy that it broke Rachel's heart every time she looked at it. But she couldn't put it away. She'd tried four times, and every time she found herself crying on the floor, clutching it to her chest. "He was a really nice kid," April told her, looking at the picture. "Immune to my charms, which could be perceived as a flaw, but a real nice kid anyway." She sat the picture down. "Will has been a good friend to me. You know I have my own Broadway show?" Rachel nodded. "I wouldn't have it if it wasn't for Will. So I owe him."

"Okay," Rachel said, still confused.

"You're good," April told her. "Not like this, maybe," she said, gesturing to Rachel's jogging pants and messy hair. "But you're good. And thanks to the newspapers, you've got a little publicity of your own."

"You hated me," Rachel reminded her.

"Of course I did," April said. "I was an alcoholic mess, pissing my life away. And you…I never doubted for a minute that you would make it. You'd do what I hadn't been able to."

"But I didn't," Rachel said. "I won't."

"You will," April told her. "And I can help you."

"What are you talking about?" Rachel asked her.

"Child, haven't you been listening to a word I say?" April said, hitting Rachel's leg lightly. "I have a Broadway show. I owe Will a favor. You're good. You're walking publicity."

Rachel stared at the woman, wide eyed. "You want me to be in your show?" she asked incredulously.

"Well not right now. I can't have a pregnant teenager waddling around on the stage." She thought for a moment. "Or maybe…no, no pregnant teenagers."

"I'm a nobody," Rachel told her. "I can't even finish school."

"Do you think I went to school?" April told her. "I moved to New York at 18, ready to take on the world."

"Weren't you scared?" Rachel asked her softly.

"Of course not," April said, snorting. "I was too stupid to be scared."

Rachel smiled a little at that. "I don't think I'm ever going to be okay again," she admitted, looking down into her lap. "I just have this hole in my soul now."

"Don't people say it gets better with time?"

"They do," Rachel said quietly. "But they didn't lose Finn."

"Well that's true enough," April said. She stood up and Rachel looked at her. "I told Will I'd help you out, and I will. Besides, you'll be helping me out, too." She winked at Rachel. "You call me when you're ready."

Rachel watched the woman walk out of her room and turned to look out the window. She had just been given the chance to be on Broadway.

Without Finn to watch her, she wasn't sure it mattered anymore.


	15. Chapter 15

This chapter has some blood and gross-ness to it. Just a head's up.

There are things that are worse than death. You wouldn't believe that, maybe, but it's true.

Finn came to consciousness slowly, aware of the sandy dirt beneath his cheek. He opened his eyes only to slam them shut as the sunlight stabbed them. He groaned as he tried to lift his head, finding that he couldn't. The idea that he was dead and this was Hell occurred to him as he felt bugs run along his legs and back.

He heard a raspy wheezing and tried to identify the direction the noise was coming from, only to realize that it was his own. With that realization, his body came alive and every pain made itself known.

He groaned as he again tried to lift his head, this time succeeding. He was lying on the ground outside of a house. He couldn't remember what had happened to him, but there was a dull ringing in his ears that suggested he'd lost his hearing. He hoped it was only a momentary loss.

Lifting enough to roll over, he clenched his jaw against the pain in his right leg. He opened his eyes to look down at the limb, groaning and fighting back bile and he saw a bone sticking out of his pant leg. When he noticed a large amount of small brown insects crawling over the dried blood and bone he fell back, deciding to give in to the blackness.

When he woke again it was night, though it still felt as if the sun shone on him. He realized he had a fever when, despite the heat, he felt chilled. At least the ringing was gone. He looked around, trying to find something that would help him figure out where he was.

"Hudson?"

Finn looked towards the sound, finding a man sitting against the wall of the house. "Bobby?"

The man didn't respond, having dropped back into unconsciousness. Finn closed his eyes as a wave of nausea swept through him, taking deep breaths through his nose. He couldn't move his leg without daggers of pain stabbing him, but he needed to get closer to his friend. Slowly he began dragging himself over to the man, stopping every few minutes to catch his breath.

"Oh Bobby," Finn moaned when he finally got to his side. Bobby was missing his right arm below the shoulder and right leg. His black hair was plastered to his face, which was covered in blood. Ignoring the pain, Finn rolled to his side and dry heaved. None of this could really be happening, he thought to himself.

He closed his eyes and put his head back against the ground, trying to remember the explosion. He remembered thinking about Rachel and the baby, and feeling happy. He couldn't remember anything else until he woke up earlier. "Bobby?" he said quietly.

"I'm dying, man," Bobby said weakly. "Bleeding out."

"We'll get out of here," Finn told him. "Did you see…have you seen Puck?"

Bobby rolled his head against the wall to look at Finn. His eyes were bright with fever, his skin pale in the darkness. "The last time I saw him, he was on fire," Bobby told Finn. "The guys who took us didn't even bother picking him up." Finn closed his eyes, choking on a sob. "We're all that's left," Bobby continued. "And some of the guys that have us want to just go ahead and kill us." He closed his eyes. "I wish they would, Finn. I'm dying anyway, and I don't want my mama to see me like this. It would kill her."

"What are they going to do with us?"

"I heard two of them talking about a video chat with someone in the Department of Defense. I guess they think one of us is important somehow."

"Oh shit," Finn said. "Burt."

Bobby shifted, groaning. "Who?"

"My step father is a Senator," he told Bobby.

Bobby nodded. "It's you, then."

Finn looked out into the darkness, trying to figure out where they were. "I recognize this place," he said, surprised. "This is where Puck and I dropped that kid off." They'd caught a young boy in their building, grabbing food. They'd fed him, gave him some food and then drove him out to this house. His name had been Asa, and though he hadn't spoken much English, they'd known he was a good kid. Puck had called him Ace, and the kid had seemed to like that.

"Yeah, I think it's an orphanage," Bobby was saying.

Finn nodded. "They keep the kids out here so they'll be safe," he laughed without humor. "That didn't seem to help. Where are the kids?"

Bobby looked at him. "In the house with the bad guys."

Finn thought for a moment. "They didn't tie us up because there's nowhere for us to go. We're ten miles away from anything. No one will ever find us."

"If they're even looking," Bobby said weakly, his eyes closing. "I wish I was back in Tennessee," he said after a moment. "I could be out with my dogs right now, treeing a coon."

Finn wanted to put his arm around his friend and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He was afraid to touch him, though, because he might hurt him. And Finn wasn't doing so well himself. As he fell into an uncomfortable sleep, he wondered how he was going to save them all.

Bobby's screams woke him. Finn opened his eyes to see his friend struggling with a group of men. "Hey!" he yelled, trying to sit up. "Leave him alone!" His nostrils burned as the acrid smoke from a small fire beside them reached it.

One of the taller men looked back at Finn and shouted something he couldn't understand. As he turned, Finn saw a large knife in his hand. "Don't!" he screamed, still trying to stand.

"Stupid American," a man said, walking away from the group and kicking Finn in the ribs. Finn lay back on the ground, gasping for breath as he watched them. He saw the man put the blade into the fire until it burned red. The bottom of his stomach dropped out when he realized what they were going to do.

Nothing prepared him for Bobby's screams as they laid the knife against the open wound where his arm used to be. The smell of burning flesh caused Finn to gag, even as tears flew down his face. "Bobby!" he called, knowing his friend was beyond hearing him.

After they'd seared the skin of his arm, they pulled the fabric back from his pants to do the same for his leg. Bobby had passed out from the pain, but Finn couldn't. The sound the knife made as it touched skin was something he knew he'd never forget. He closed his eyes and prayed to a God he'd given up on.

When the men were done with Bobby, they walked toward him. The man with the knife threw it down by the fire and stood right in front of Finn. "You're no good to us dead," he told Finn in broken English.

Finn wasn't smart, but he knew that what they'd done to Bobby was actually an attempt to help him, no matter how barbaric it seemed. He still didn't want them touching him. As they eyed his leg he started moving back, shaking his head. "Don't touch me," he croaked. "Get away from me."

The tall man nodded to the two men standing beside Finn and they knelt down, grabbing his arms. Finn twisted and jerked, trying to break free. "No," he said. "Don't touch my leg."

Another man came out of the house with a bottle. Finn realized it was vodka. "No, no, no, no," he said.

The man with the vodka and the tall man discussed something in their native tongue and the tall man shrugged, taking the bottle. Opening it, he motioned for the other man to pull Finn's pant leg away. Finn fought so hard that the man finally just sat down on his waist. Once the fabric had been moved, the tall man poured the vodka over the wound.

Finn screamed so loud the men holding him jumped. While he was screaming, the tall man grabbed his leg and jerked, causing the bone to slide back into his skin. Thankfully, Finn was then able to join Bobby in unconsciousness.


	16. Chapter 16

Whatever they'd been trying to accomplish, it hadn't worked for him. Finn's leg was swollen and hot from infection; it felt like it was rotting off. He couldn't bring himself to look at it, or at Bobby. Bobby was never conscious anymore; when the men brought them water they'd open Bobby's mouth and pour the water into it, yelling at him as he choked on it.

Finn had pulled the other man over to the side of the house where the overhang was, so that they weren't in the sun. No matter where they moved to, though, the heat was always present. Finn was certain this was really hell. They'd been here for weeks, and if they were going to kill them, Finn wished they'd go ahead and kill them.

They never spoke English, and Finn couldn't understand them. Bobby would be able to, but that didn't help. The children who lived here were shut up in the basement; Finn saw them at the small window sometimes. He wanted to help them, but he was getting weaker every day.

"It's time," the tall man said, walking outside with several others.

Before Finn could lift his head, someone was pulling a rope over it. He fought as much as he could, but he was easily hauled to his feet. He heard loud grunts as the men lifted Bobby. Stark terror flooded his body, and Finn realized that he'd been wrong; he didn't want to die. He thought of Rachel and the baby and prayed under his breath that he would be able to see them again.

The inside of the house wasn't much cooler than the outside. The building smelled of body odor and rotting food, and the men carrying him stumbled over garbage in the floor. He thought about the children trapped in the basement and hoped the men were taking care of them. With this heat, the basement would be stifling.

"We've got it set up," the tall man was saying to Finn in a heavily accented voice. "It took longer than we want, but it is done. Your government cannot track us. They will give us what we want."

Finn hoped what he said wasn't true. He hoped the government could track them, save them. He wanted to go home. He wanted Bobby to go home. He wanted the children to be safe. He needed for this to be over.

Finn was pushed down into a hard wooden chair, and he couldn't help but cry out in pain as the motion jarred his leg. He saw Bobby being put in the seat beside him, the other man's breathing painfully ragged. Finn didn't think Bobby was going to make it home, and the thought made him want to cry.

Finn saw the set up; camcorder in one corner, a computer station set up beside it. There were five men in the room besides him and Bobby. He glared at the tall man, breathing heavily. "They're not going to give you what you want."

"We'll see," the man said. He nodded to the man behind him, turning back around to smile at Finn. "You see your friend?" he asked, pointing toward Bobby. "If you don't do what I say, he dies." The other man came into the room, pulling a small girl. "You see this child?" he asked Finn, pushing the girl closer to him. She was so thin her bones were clearly visible, her lips cracked and bleeding from dehydration. "I've got a basement full of them. If you don't do what I tell you, they die." He pushed the girl back towards the other man and then moved in front of Finn, squatting down and looking into Finn's eyes. "Do you understand me?"

Finn nodded, breathing hard through his nose. "What do you want me to do?"

The man stood up, shrugging. "You talk when I tell you you can talk. Until then, you keep mouth shut. And when you talk, if you say anything that could reveal our location, I will kill your friend and the kids while you watch, and then I'll kill you."

Finn looked into the man's soulless eyes and nodded. "I understand." He was going to die here. He understood.

"Let them…kill me…" Bobby moaned hoarsely.

"No," Finn told him, saying nothing more.

Finn watched as the men finished setting up and made the call. "Try to look happy," the tall man said to Finn, smiling. "Your stepfather is looking forward to talking to you."

Finn's stomach clenched. While the men connected and started talking to the United States, Finn wracked his brain trying to figure out any way to let someone know where they were without getting anyone killed. This was on him. And he had no clue what to do.

"Where's Finn?" he heard Burt say. "I want to see my son." At that, tears came to Finn's eyes.

"Do you understand what we want?" the tall man said.

"You'll get nothing if you don't have him," Burt said. Finn heard some muffled conversation and new that someone was talking to Burt. "I don't care," Burt was saying, sounding close to tears.

The camera was turned towards Finn and he flinched as the bright light temporarily blinded him. "Burt?" he said, wishing his throat wasn't so dry.

"Oh, God, Finn," Burt was saying, crying. "Puckerman said you were alive but we didn't…we couldn't…"

"Puck's alive?" Finn asked, his heart lurching in his chest. A man standing beside him punched him in the ribs and Finn doubled over, groaning at the pain the blow caused. He heard Burt shouting as he fought a wave of nausea, lifting his head.

"You see that we have him. Give us what we want," the tall man was saying.

"Give us a minute," another male voice said. Finn heard Burt yelling in the background and figured that they had to carry him out of the room.

"You tell us now," the tall man demanded. "Or we kill them and find another way to get what we want."

"Tell Puck to feed Ace!" Finn shouted suddenly.

The light went off as the men shut down the operation, a shot ringing out in the room.


	17. Chapter 17

"No!" Finn yelled, trying to get out of his chair. "Bobby!" The man holding the rope around his neck pulled it, choking him. Finn's fingers clawed at his neck, gasping for breath. "What are you doing?" he yelled at the tall man when it was loosened. "Why did you shoot him?"

"I told you!" the man yelled at Finn. "I told you not to say anything else."

"I just told him to feed my dog," Finn said, tears streaking through the dirt in his face as he looked over at the body of his friend. He'd taken a chance and it hadn't worked.

"Your dog?" the man said, grabbing Finn's shirt. "You lie!"

"My dog's name is Ace," Finn said, looking up at the man. "I swear!"

"Bring the girl," the tall man said.

"No, shoot me, okay? Kill me. I'm the one that fucked up. Kill me instead." As the little girl was dragged into the room Finn started fighting in earnest. "You can't do this, it was just a dog," Finn pleaded.

The little girl looked terrified. She was probably only four or five years old, and the scared look in her eyes stabbed him in the heart. She didn't understand what was going on, but he saw that she'd wet herself in terror. It was his fault she was standing there. "I'm sorry," Finn told her, looking back up at the man. "It's just my dog," he said again. "Please, I'm begging you, shoot me. Not her. Please not her."

When the man put the gun to the little girl's head, he looked at Finn. "What kind of a dog is it?" he asked.

"German shepherd," Finn said without thinking. "I've had him since high school."

The man cocked the gun. "So if I call your stepfather back and ask him about this dog, he'll say the same?"

_Fuck._ "Yes," Finn said. "He'll tell you exactly what I just told you." _No he won't._

The man stared at Finn for the longest moment of his life. Finally he uncocked the gun and hit the little girl with it, knocking her to the ground. "She lives, for now," he told Finn darkly. The little girl cried, holding her cheek. One of the men grabbed her roughly by the arms, taking her back to the basement.

"Get this garbage out of here," the tall man said, kicking Bobby's still form. Finn choked back another sob at the sight of his friend's lifeless body. He'd fucked up and Bobby had died. As soon as they talked to Burt again, the little girl and the rest of the children would be killed and it would be his fault.

While the man motioned for his friend to start making another connection, Finn silently pleaded that Burt would deliver his message to Puck and that Puck would understand it.

Back in DC, Burt was losing his mind. The people around him were trying to calm him down, but it was impossible. To see Finn again, only to have him taken away…he couldn't bear it. "He said to tell Puck to feed Ace," a senator beside him was saying. "He was obviously talking about Puckerman."

Burt nodded, shaking his head to clear it. He had to talk to Puck. He wasn't going to call Carol and Rachel back right now, not when he wasn't sure what was going on. It was better to not get their hopes up. He scrolled through his phone and found the number to Puck's hospital room. "Quinn? I need to talk to Puck. It's important."

"Okay," she said, looking over at Puck. "It's Burt," she told him, making a face and shrugging.

Puck nodded and took the phone, grimacing as pain shot through his left side. "Burt?"

"Puck, you were right," Burt told him. "Finn was alive."

Puck's left hand tightened into a fist. "I fucking knew it," he whispered, closing his eyes and smiling. "I knew it."

"They've got him," Burt said.

"Oh shit," Puck said, his smile fading. "How do you know?"

Burt explained what happened, telling Puck what Finn had said. "Do you know what he meant?"

Puck was silent, thinking. Finn didn't have a dog, and he didn't think he knew anyone named Ace. "Are you sure that's what he said?"

Burt sighed with disappointment. "We're sure."

"I don't…" Puck sat up in the bed, ignoring the pain. "It's that kid," he told Burt excitedly. "That little orphan kid. I always called him Ace."

"Where did the kid live?" Burt asked him, snapping his fingers at someone behind him and motioning for a piece of paper and pen.

"Way out in the middle of fucking nowhere," Puck told him. "In an orphanage. Give me a minute," he said as he closed his eyes, trying to remember exactly how to get there. He gave Burt the best directions he could. "Tell them to go get our boy," he told the older man. "But be careful; there's about twenty kids there, too."

"Got it," Burt said. "Puckerman…"

"I know, man," Puck told him. "Go."

As Puck handed Quinn the phone, he noticed tears in her eyes. They looked at each other for a moment, and then they both began to smile. "He's alive," Quinn said.

Puck nodded, "Damn right he is. He better stay that way."


	18. Chapter 18

Sometimes things work out the way you want them to. Sometimes they don't.

As Finn had expected, Burt hadn't known what to say when asked who Ace was. He'd stalled, pretended to have a bad connection, had even told a stupid poker joke that no one got. Because it was obvious that he had no clue, the tall man had shot Finn in his already wounded leg.

Finn had fallen into unconsciousness again; the darkness had become a familiar friend. He wasn't planning on ever waking, and felt a twinge in his heart when he thought of Rachel and his baby.

Flashes of coherency brought the knowledge that the American troops had finally arrived. Between patches of darkness, he was aware of being carried, and then of being inside a moving vehicle. Through it all, pain was his constant companion. He heard someone screaming and realized it was him, only to fall back into nothingness. He dreamed of the children, imagining them trapped in the basement while a fire swept through the house. His leg was on fire, and he wondered if he'd dreamed of being rescued and was still in the house with them as it burned. At least they wouldn't be alone. But Rachel…he didn't want to leave her.

Rachel was on her way to the hospital Finn was being flown to. She'd fainted when she found out he'd died, and she'd almost fainted again when she found out he was still alive. A hardness that had developed around her heart had cracked open, letting in a terrifying hope. She'd buried the hope so deep that she'd almost forgotten it was there, but now it was pushed to the front of her mind; what Noah had said was true. Finn was still alive.

Kurt clutched her hand, tight lipped and quiet. Losing Finn had changed him, too. He hadn't had any hope that Finn was alive. He'd thought his brother was gone forever, and it had left a hole in his life. He hadn't fully realized how important Finn was to him until he'd lost him. Even when the giant dummy had been in basic training and Kurt hadn't known where he was, Kurt's heart was lighter knowing that he was _somewhere_. The idea of Finn being removed from life completely had broken something inside of him.

Burt had put everything into motion. He'd sent Rachel and Kurt with a driver who knew exactly where they were going with little to no explanation. He'd told Rachel that something had come up, and that it involved Finn, but that was all. It was only when they got to the airport and ready to board a jet that Burt had called and told them what was happening. Rachel had walked onto the aircraft with shaking legs but quickly steeled herself; Finn needed her, and she was going to be strong for him. She didn't have to ask to know Kurt felt the same way.

When they finally landed and reached the hospital, Rachel took a deep breath. Finn was in there somewhere, fighting for his life. Kurt squeezed her hand, taking a deep breath himself. Finn had been in surgery for several hours and would hopefully be getting out at any time. Kurt hoped the doctor would have good news. He didn't think he or Rachel could take it otherwise.

"We didn't get him back just to lose him again," Rachel said lowly. "He's going to make it, Kurt."

Kurt nodded, falling into step beside her. She was right. Anything else was unacceptable.

They were shown where to sit while they waited for the doctor, and a man from the Army came out to talk to both of them. Rachel was so terrified of what was happening in the operating room she couldn't understand him. She'd ask Kurt later exactly what the man had said.

It was another hour and a half before an exhausted looking man in white came out looking for her. "Ms. Berry?" he asked, reading something from a piece of paper.

"Yes," Rachel said, standing quickly. Kurt did the same beside her.

The doctor nodded. "I'm Dr. Michael White," he told her. "Senator Hummel said that you were who I needed to report to."

"How is he?" Rachel asked, her heart in her throat.

"He's alive," the doctor told her. "But there were some complications."

"Complications?" Kurt asked. He put his arm around Rachel, feeling her body tense up.

"Mr. Hudson was severely dehydrated and burned from the sun. Both of these conditions will take a while to recover from but are treatable. What we had the most trouble with was the infection in his leg…he suffered a lot of damage to his right leg," the doctor explained. He cleared his throat. "I'm afraid we weren't able to save it."

"Wait, what?" Rachel said. After hearing that he was alive, she'd been so relieved that she hadn't paid attention to what the doctor was saying. He definitely had her attention now, though she was certain she had heard him wrong. "It sounded like you said you couldn't save Finn's leg."

"I'm sorry," the doctor told her. "We did all we could do." Rachel made a face, looking at Kurt as the doctor continued. "I know this is a shock, but I'll be meeting with you and Mr. Hudson tomorrow to discuss his options."

Rachel shook her head slightly, trying to clear it. Finn had lost his leg, but he was alive, right? "He's alive. He's going to be okay, right?"

"I believe he will be," the doctor told him. "But losing a limb is a very hard thing. He's going to need a lot of support."

"He'll get it," Kurt told him.

Dr. White nodded. "He'll be here for a few weeks and then moved to a rehab facility. We'll do everything we can to make this as easy for him as we can." Kurt nodded. "A nurse will be along shortly to let you know when you can see him. We can only allow one person at a time." He smiled slightly at Rachel. "He's called out for you a few times. Now you can answer him."

Rachel nodded, her eyes welling with tears. She reached for the doctor, grabbing him in a hug. He looked at Kurt, surprised, as he hugged her back. Kurt shrugged. "She does that sometimes."

"Thank you," Rachel told the doctor, moving away from him. "Thank you for saving him."

"I just patched him up," Dr. White said warmly, smiling down at her. "It was his decision to stick around."


	19. Chapter 19

Finn was still asleep when Rachel was finally allowed into his room, and for that she was grateful. She'd felt like she'd prepared herself for anything, but she hadn't. She thought at first that the nurse had sent her to the wrong room; the frail skeleton of a man lying in the bed wasn't Finn. She couldn't stop herself from crying out when she realized she was wrong.

"Oh, Finn," she whispered, allowing the tears to fall freely down her cheeks. "What did they do to you?" Her eyes followed the shortened line of his leg under the blanket, and then quickly moved back to his face. When the doctor had mentioned his burns, she'd pictured a sunburn. This was different. This was awful. She was afraid to touch any part of his skin, though her hands longed to trace the curve of his jaw or simply hold his hand.

She pulled a chair to his bed and just watched him. At some point she must have fallen asleep because the next thing she was aware of was someone touching her hair. Lifting her head slowly, she opened her eyes and looked at him. "Finn?" she said quietly, her voice hoarse.

"Hey," he said, trying to smile. She could tell that even that slight movement hurt him. His voice was different, harsher. His eyes were the same, though, and she saw the same Finn she'd always loved in them.

"You don't have to talk," she told him, her own eyes welling with tears. "Save your strength."

"You're really here?" he said, his eyes closing again.

"I'm here," she told him. "I'm not leaving."

"I thought…" his voice drifted off.

She could tell by his deep, even breathing that he was asleep again. It was probably for the best, though she'd wanted to talk to him. She had so much to say. Realizing that she hadn't given Kurt a chance to see him, she stood and stretched, grimacing as her sore muscles protested the movement. Checking her watch, she realized she'd slept for several hours.

Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she dialed his number and walked to the window. She sighed when she only saw more buildings. When Finn was able to get up and move around, she'd try to get a room with a nice view. "Rachel?"

"Hey," she said, walking back towards the bed. "I'm so sorry, Kurt. I fell asleep…"

"I figured as much," Kurt told her. "How is he?"

Rachel looked down at Finn, biting her lip. "Do you want to come in?"

"I'm at the hotel," he told her. "Dad is going to drop Carol off there at the hospital and meet me here."

Rachel felt horrible. "I'm so so sorry," she said again. "I know you wanted to see him."

"You needed that time with him," Kurt told her. "I just needed to know he was going to be okay." He paused. "He is going to be okay, right?"

"I think so. I hope so."

"How does he look?" Rachel didn't say anything. "That bad?"

"He's going to be okay," she told him.

"Oh man," Kurt said. Rachel heard him moving around. "I'll be back there in the morning. Carol will want to see him later, but I figured you were planning on staying there tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm not leaving him," Rachel said softly.

"I'll have them bring you something to eat," Kurt told her. "I doubt the hospital caters to vegans."

"Thank you Kurt," Rachel told him. "For everything. If it wasn't for you, I don't know that I could have made it through any of this."

"You could have," Kurt told her. "But I'm glad you didn't have to alone."

After they'd hung up, Rachel sat by the bed again. When Carol arrived she'd have to let the other woman come in for a while. She found that the idea of being out of the room, even for an hour, made her nervous. What if he woke up and she wasn't around?

Lost in thought, she jumped when Finn cried out in his sleep. "Finn?" she said quietly, not wanting to disturb him if he was still asleep. His eyes opened, but he wasn't looking at her. "Finn?"

"No," he yelled, lifting his arms to fight someone who wasn't there.

"Finn," Rachel said again, reaching for his hand.

"No!" he screamed, and then screamed again. Frightened, Rachel backed away from the bed, putting her hands to her ears.

"Finn, wake up," she said, unsure of what she should do.

He didn't seem to hear her as he continued to wrestle with invisible demons. A couple of nurses ran into the room; one of them stood in front of him and tried to calm him down while the other administered something into his IV. After a few more moments Finn was asleep again.

"What…what was that?" Rachel asked the nurses, her heart still in her throat.

One of the nurses just shook her head and sighed. The other walked over and stood beside Rachel. "We see this all the time," she told Rachel, her dark eyes full of compassion. "Men who go to war…they come back different. Every time. It changes them." She looked back at Finn. "This one had more taken from him than most. He's seen things others haven't had to see. He's going to have a hard time getting over that." She put her hand on Rachel's shoulder and squeezed. "It's going to be hard," she told the younger woman. "This is just the beginning."

"It's going to be like this for a while," the other nurse told her, standing at the door. "Until he gets some help, starts to get over it…this is the way it's going to be."

"How long will it take?" Rachel asked them, looking over at Finn.

The two women looked at each other. "It depends on the person," the one closest to her said.

"And to be honest…" the other woman said, sighing, "some of them never do."

With that, the nurses left the room. Rachel looked over at Finn, wondering how she was going to help him get through this…or if she could.


	20. Chapter 20

"I want you to go home."

Rachel raised her head from the hard pillow she was using and tried to look at him in the darkness. "What?" she asked sleepily.

"I don't want you to be here," he told her, moving around in the bed. She heard his indrawn breath and knew he must have jarred his leg. "Don't get up!" he told her when she threw her blanket off and started to rise.

Lying back down, Rachel rubbed her eyes, noting that the bright red numbers on the clock said it was 2:30 am. "What are you talking about?" she asked him, confused.

"I don't think you should be here anymore, Rach," he said. "It's not good for you and it's not good for the baby."

She did sit up this time. "Finn, I'm not leaving."

"You're losing weight and neither of us are sleeping," he said. From the sound of his voice she could tell he was facing her. "You should leave."

"Why would you even say that?" Rachel said. "I need to be here. I have to help you."

"You're not helping me," he told her. "Nothing's helping me, Rachel. Can't you see that?"

Rachel heard the pain in his voice. The past few weeks had been terrible, it was true. Finn had taken the loss of his leg much better than anyone had expected, but that didn't mean it was easy. The infection from the wound had taken longer to beat than the doctor had thought, and the pain was almost too much for him to bear. He told the doctor that he could still feel the leg as if it were there, and that he spent a lot of time in agony because he couldn't scratch it when it itched. The doctor assured him that this was normal, but neither Finn nor Rachel felt that any of this was normal.

The nightmares were the worst, though. Finn couldn't sleep for longer than an hour without waking up screaming. He dreamed of the explosion, of Bobby's death, of being shot…over and over, he faced his reality a million different times in a million different ways. He couldn't escape the nightmares, and no amount of medication had been able to help.

Rachel tried everything she could think of, but her inability to help him was destroying her. He was right; she was losing weight. She couldn't eat because he couldn't eat. She couldn't sleep because he couldn't sleep. She couldn't leave the hospital because he couldn't leave. She kept thinking that if she could just stick around long enough she'd be able to finally find the way to make him better.

"I'm not leaving," she told him. "We're going to get through this together."

"What makes you think I'm going to get through this?" he asked.

"Because you're strong," she said. "You're strong and smart and brave and you're going to pull through this."

"I'm not any of those things," he said quietly after a moment of silence. "Not anymore."

"Finn," she said, moving to his bedside, "you're a hero. You helped save those kids and stop a group of men who were planning on wiping out an entire city."

"I got Bobby killed," he said bitterly.

Rachel knew Bobby's death weighed heavily on him, and she wanted to wrap her arms around him and protect him from all of these thoughts. "You did what you thought was best," she whispered, reaching out to lightly brush her fingers across his cheeks. "That's the only thing you could do."

Finn moved his face away from her hand. "I don't want you here anymore, Rach," he told her again. "I don't."

"You don't mean that," she told him, her heart starting to beat wildly.

"I want you to leave tomorrow."

"I'm not leaving," she insisted. "Besides, tomorrow you're going to get your new…"

"Dammit, Rachel, listen to me!" he yelled, causing her to jump and gasp. "I want you to go home. Tomorrow!"

Rachel's chin quivered. "I can't be there with you here," she told him. "Why can't you understand that?"

"Nothing is going to be like it was," he told her. "I'm not the same, and neither are you. I think it's time that we just admitted it and got on with our lives."

"I know things have changed," Rachel said, trying to hold back tears. "But I love you. I always will. That's one thing that will never change."

"Sometimes love isn't enough," he said, turning his head away from her. "Take Kurt with you. He'll help you take care of yourself."

"I don't need to take Kurt anywhere because we're not going anywhere," Rachel told him. "End of discussion."

"I'll tell them I want you out of my room," he told her.

"You wouldn't."

"I will if you make me," he said, turning to face her again. She could see the reflection of the light of the moon in the tears on his face.

She sat on the edge of his bed. "I am not leaving you," she told him firmly, swallowing her own tears. "I'm not leaving you now. I'm not leaving you tomorrow. I'm not leaving you, ever. You're stuck with me, and you're just going to have to get used to it."

Finn was silent for a moment. "I don't want you seeing me like this, Rachel," he whispered finally, his voice thick. "I don't like being weak in front of you."

Rachel shook her head. "A weak man couldn't do any of the things you've done, the things you're doing," she told him. "When I look at you, I'm so proud, Finn. I'm so happy that this strong, beautiful man is mine; that you let me love you."

"I don't feel strong," he told her. "And with these burns, I'm about as far from beautiful as possible."

"That's not true," she said quietly, taking his hand. "I've seen you in rehab every day, pushing yourself, even though the pain has to be unbearable. I've seen you hit your leg against something and not even cry out. I see you put a smile on your face when I know you feel like crying." Her fingers moved lightly over his face, tracing the familiar curves in the dark. "And I see how beautiful that smile is. It's the same one that I fell in love with when we were in school. That damn crooked grin that stole my heart and never gave it back." She felt Finn grin, smiling herself. "Your eyes still glow when you laugh at something silly Kurt says, and I could get lost in them forever. Your shoulders are still broad; your arms are still strong. By rights you should be weak, but you're not. Your skin may be burned, your body bruised…but it's still the most beautiful and strong body I've ever seen. The only place I'll ever want to be is in your arms, with my head against your chest. There will never be a time that you don't move me." She leaned down, placing a soft kiss against his lips. "I promise."

"I'm sorry," he told her, his hand cupping the back of her head as he looked into her eyes. "Tomorrow is going to suck and I don't like to think about you seeing me like that."

"Maybe it won't be so bad," Rachel told him. Even in the dark, she could read the worry on his face.

"Maybe it'll be worse," he replied.

"We've done a lot of research on these things. I really think it's going to be okay."

Finn sighed. "I hope you're right," he said.

He was actually terrified. Tomorrow would be the first day with his prosthetic leg, and he knew that the pain would definitely be worse. He was mostly afraid that he would fail, though. What if he just couldn't do it? What if the prosthesis didn't work and he wasn't able to walk without crutches ever again? The doctor told him that he was worrying needlessly, but he wasn't the one without a leg.

"Are you still sure the fiber blade is what you want?" Rachel asked him.

"I think so," he told her. J shaped carbon fiber blades didn't look anything like a fake leg. Getting this type of prosthesis meant that he would never hide the fact that he'd lost a leg; it would be readily apparent to all that saw him. But from everything he and Rachel had read, they were the best choice for him. Finn was an active person by nature, and he didn't want this to slow him down any more than it had to. The blades were called "Flex Foot Cheetah" blades, and he thought that sounded pretty cool too.

"I think it's the best choice as well," she said.

"Won't you be embarrassed, though?" he asked. "Being seen with a man who only has one leg?"

Rachel stared down at him, eyes wide. "Nothing about being with you could ever embarrass me," she told him. "When I say I'm proud of you, I mean it. When I say that you're a hero, I mean it. When I say that you're beautiful, I mean it. When I say I love you, Finn, I mean it."

"I love you, too," he told her. "I'm sorry. I know I'm acting like a baby."

"No you're not," she told him. "It's okay to be scared."

"Are you scared?"

Rachel thought about it for a moment, lying down beside him, careful not to bump into him. "I'm scared about a lot of things," she said. "Every day I worry about what kind of mother I'm going to be. I've wanted nothing more than to be on Broadway since I was a kid, and now that I have an opportunity I'm afraid I'll be a disaster. I worry about the ozone, the economy, the future of the world for our child."

"You're going to be a great mom," Finn told her. "I know, because I have a great mom. You're going to be great on Broadway. I know because you've forced me to watch you perform the lead in every show you like. And I don't know about the ozone, the economy, or the future…but I know that if I've got you and you've got me, everything will work out in the end."

"See?" Rachel said, smiling at him. "Smart."

"I'm not a smart man," Finn said, trying to sound like Forrest Gump and failing horribly, "but I know what love is."

Rachel laughed quietly and pulled the blanket over their legs. "Hush, Forrest, and let's go to sleep."

"Yes ma'am," he said, kissing the top of her head. He'd worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Tonight, he'd just be happy in knowing that she was his and try to get some sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

"What are you thinking about?" Carol asked him a few weeks later, putting down the book she was reading.

Finn kept his gaze on a tree out the window. It was raining and he liked the way the leaves turned sliver when the wind blew. "About dad."

Carol sighed. "Good thoughts, I hope?"

Finn shrugged. He wasn't really sure what he was thinking. He just knew that he now completely understands what could have driven his father to do the things he did…and that hurts.

"How's the leg?"

"It's fucking missing," he snapped. Carol gasped and he looked at her. "Sorry. It's okay, just a little sore."

He'd been working out with the new prosthesis for a couple of weeks now. He'd been relieved at the ease with which he took to it; his fears really had been unfounded. Rachel said that he was naturally graceful, but he figured she chose to forget what he looked like when he tried to dance.

"I know it's hard, baby," Carol said, "but you're doing so well."

Finn didn't say anything, looking back out the window. They thought he was doing well. He grinned his big goofy grin and joked around and did his therapy exactly like he was supposed to and everyone assumed all was well. It couldn't be farther from the truth.

Depression had grabbed him and he couldn't shake it. He knew he had a lot to be grateful for- Rachel, the baby, his family and friends, his life- but he still spent hours at a time feeling like he was smothering. The counseling appointments he'd been forced to go to hadn't helped, and he couldn't say anything to Rachel; she was dealing with enough.

He still couldn't sleep, and when he did he tossed and turned violently. His nightmares were always vivid and horrific, and when he woke up he expected to be lying back on the ground in Afghanistan.

After the first night she'd tried to sleep with him, he and Rachel had both agreed it wasn't a good idea. He knew it hurt her that she couldn't help him, so he kept most of this stuff to himself. He wondered if his father had done the same…had he felt trapped? Like he couldn't break away from the things that had happened to him and there was no hope for him?

Finn fully believed that his dad had wanted to die, and there were times that he felt the same way. The realization frightened him.

He was in a dark mood today, and glad that Rachel had had a doctor's appointment so he didn't have to be around her like this. If only his mother would go away, too. Maybe they saw more than he knew; maybe that was the reason he was never allowed to be alone.

"Why are you here today?" Finn asked her casually.

"Well, Rachel had an appointment and I didn't want you to have to be alone."

Finn looked at her. "I can't be alone?" he asked.

"Well, you can, but why would you want to be?" Carol said, smiling at him.

"What if I do want to be?"

Carol's smile slipped and she looked at him. "Do you want me to leave?" she asked him quietly.

"I would like some time alone to think," he told her. Noticing the look on her face, he smiled half-heartedly. "You know I love you, right?"

Carol stood and walked over to him, kissing him on the forehead. "I love you too, Finn," she told him. "So much."

After she left, he continued to look out the window. Maybe it would be best for all of them if he really did just end it. They were having a baby; Rachel wouldn't need to be worried about taking care of him. And his life insurance policy would help them out more than he'd ever be able to. And he could finally get away from himself; from the pain and the fear and the guilt. Maybe it was selfish sticking around.

But how would he do it? He looked around the room, uncertain. Hell, he could just hang himself, he decided. He'd call for the nurse before he did it; it always took them a few minutes to get into the room anyway, and by that time it would be over. That way, Rachel would never have to see it.

Slowly Finn stood, wincing at the soreness in his leg. They'd made a good choice with the carbon fiber blades, not that it mattered now.

As he walked towards the bed, he realized he was crying. Well, he should be, shouldn't he? If there was ever a time to cry, this would be it. Reaching the bed, he looked down at the sheets, trying to figure out how to do what he needed to.

"Finn," he heard from the doorway.

His eyes shot to the man standing there. "Puck?" God, his friend looked awful. He'd known Puck had burns on his neck and face, but nothing had prepared him for this. Even with the burns, though…it was Puck. Finn's heart leapt with joy. "Puck!"

Puck came into the room and hugged his friend, not ashamed of the tears rolling down his face. "It's good to see you, man," he said.

"It's good to see you too," Finn said, pulling back and looking at his friend. "Damn, man, you gonna be okay?" Finn realized that the relief he felt was more than just seeing his friend alive and well…how could he even think about hurting himself? What the fuck was wrong with him? Realizing what he'd been about to do almost floored him.

"Fuck if I know," Puck said, grinning. "You should see the attention the nurses give me, though."

Finn smiled, focusing on his friend. "They think it's sexy?"

"Hell, everything I do is sexy," Puck told him, looking so much like the kid Finn knew from high school that he couldn't even see the scars. Puck shrugged. "They're going to do some crap with skin from my back…or thigh…or something. Maybe it'll help."

Finn sat down on the bed, motioning to the chair by the window. "You're out of rehab and all that?"

Puck nodded. "I'm a free man," he told his friend. He lifted his left arm, wincing a little. "Limited mobility, shit like that."

"Can you still play?" Finn asked him.

"I'll always play," Puck told him. "I just can't play for as long."

Finn thought about that. "I'm glad it was my leg instead of my arm," he said finally. "I wouldn't want to give up the drums."

"They make some creepy fake arm too," Puck told him, eyeing Finn's new leg. "I wondered if you'd get the real looking leg or not. Quinn said you wouldn't care."

"How is Quinn?" Finn asked. He'd talked to the woman a couple of times on the phone, but he hadn't seen her.

"Driving me nuts," Puck told him. "She's back in New York now, trying to make up the classes she dropped. I hope she can."

"So are you two…what?"

Puck shrugged. "No clue. She was dating that tool Brody when we were hit."

"Brody, huh?" Finn said, annoyed without knowing why. He bet the man would have moved right in on Rachel if he had died. Or killed himself like a dumbass.

Puck nodded. "So…uh…how you doing?"

It was Finn's turn to shrug. "I don't know, man. Not good." It felt good to be able to say it. "It's been…dark."

"Yeah, for me too," Puck said. "I can't sleep, keep having terrible nightmares."

"Me too," Finn told him.

"I'm seeing some chick counselor. She's pretty hot, but I don't want to talk to her. I don't really want to talk to anyone. They wouldn't get it, you know?"

Finn nodded. "Same."

"I realized that I remembered you being pulled away from the crash," Puck said. "If I had known that sooner, we could have been looking for you."

Finn heard the agony in his voice. "Not your fault," he told his friend.

"I feel like it is," Puck told him. "I lie in bed at night and think about it. It's eating me alive."

"I killed Bobby," Finn told him.

"What?"

"I thought I knew what I was doing but I didn't and they killed him." Finn explained what happened.

"Wasn't your fault," Puck said when he'd finished.

"Feels like it," Finn told him.

"Yeah, that's the kicker," Puck told him. "We're our own worst enemies."

They were both quiet for a moment, thinking. "Think we're going to be okay?" Finn asked him.

"No," Puck told him. "I don't think we will be."

Finn nodded. "That's what I was afraid of."

"But at least we can be fucked up together."

"Always."


	22. Chapter 22

"This can only end badly," Finn muttered as he waited. He hated what he was wearing, he hated the crutch he was being forced to use and he hated his uncertainty. He felt a trickle of sweat move down his forehead and he wiped it off impatiently.

"Just be yourself," Rachel had told him a few minutes ago. "If you get lost, just look at me, okay?"

Finn had nodded but he didn't think anything could help him at this point. Why did people have to always make such a big deal out of everything? He knew that Rach and his mother were so proud they were about to burst; if it wasn't for them, though, he'd have just told these people to count him out.

He heard the man speaking say his name and took a deep breath. It was time.

He walked out into the sunlight, squinting a little as he looked out at the crowd of hundreds clapping and calling out for him. He wanted to close his eyes and pretend he was a rock star, but with this fake leg and crutch he'd probably trip and take out the entire first row.

He smiled as the man pinned the medal on his chest and explained all that Finn had done while in Afghanistan. Finn tuned out, feeling pretty sure that nerves were going to cause him to vomit. In a moment of panic, he almost turned around and ran away. When he turned to look back, he saw Puck move into the way, shaking his head slightly. Damn.

Puck had already received his medal and given his speech. Finn wished that he'd been paying attention so he wouldn't be saying the same things Puck did. Now he'd probably just stumble through "I love my country and I'm glad I could do what I did to help." No way, man. Rachel would kill him if he said something like that. He glared at Puck, and then turned back to the man to discover that it was time for him to talk.

Finn shook the man's hand as he stepped back, allowing Finn access to the podium. Holy shit, this was actually happening. Deep breaths, Hudson. He watched the man sit down and felt faint. Oh man, that dude was the president. How had he not noticed that he just SHOOK HANDS WITH THE FUCKING PRESIDENT OF THE UNTIED STATES?

Maybe if he pretended to pass out he could get out of this. He swallowed, almost getting choked on nothing. What should he say? What would Jesus do? Jesus would know exactly what to do. Why hadn't he prayed before coming out here? Damn damn damn. Wait. Jesus wouldn't like that. Dang dang dang. Maybe now Jesus would help him. Please, Jesus? he silently pleaded.

He looked up and his eyes fell on Rachel. She smiled at him, mouthing "I love you."

Finn grinned back without thinking, something he always did when Rachel smiled that smile at him. He could do this. Rachel believed in him. He'd be alright.

"I grew up believing that my father was a war hero," he told the crowd, which had quieted down to listen. "My mother kept a picture of him hanging in our living room, dressed in fatigues and standing in front of an American flag. I walked past that picture a million times growing up and every time, mixed with the pang of loss, I felt a touch of pride. My dad was a hero. He'd gone to war and he'd lost his life, but he'd done what he did for the greater good. Other boys had fathers that played catch with them or talked to them about girls…but my dad had done more than all of them." He cleared his throat. "It wasn't until my senior year of high school that I found out almost everything I thought I knew about my father was a lie."

He heard a few murmurs, but continued, "My father hadn't died during the war, though he had been there. After being dishonorably discharged, he lived to bring the war home to Lima. He still fought, but now it was all in his head. The pain and the memories and the guilt were finally too much for him. He abused drugs heavily, leaving me and my mom to die a lonely death far away from us in Cincinnati." He paused, his eyes finding Rachel again. "My father couldn't handle life after he'd faced so much death. I know a lot of soldiers that feel the same way, and face the same pain every single day. After I'd gotten my new leg, I was dealing with the darkest depression I could ever imagine. At one point, I wanted to die." Rachel's eyes filled with tears and she put her head on Kurt's shoulder. "It was then that I truly understood my father's pain. I had been hiding it, trying to keep it away from those around me, those that loved me, because I was afraid that it would hurt them too. It took several weeks and some long talks with my friend Puck for me to realize that by trying to keep them out, I was hurting all of us. By letting them in, I let it be okay for me to get better. I'm not 100% yet, but I have no doubt that were it not for the love and support of my beautiful girl Rachel and my friends and family, I would have just given up. I would have let them win."

He took a breath. "I've realized that my dad was a hero, even after everything. He was a hero who got lost and couldn't find his way back. And I know now just how easy that could be. It's my hope today that if any of you have a friend who has gone to war and is struggling now that he or she is back you'll be a little more understanding and a little more supportive. Realize that when you look at them, you're seeing a person who's been to hell and lived to face the memories of it. Life will never be the same for your soldier, so don't try to make it what it was. Start today, and try to make it even better. You could be the person that helps them through the darkness, if only you don't give up on them. You can be their light." He looked down at the medal on his chest and then looked back out at Rachel. Tossing the cane to the side of the podium, he walked to the front of the stage. "Come on, Light," he called out to her. "Your hero needs a kiss."

Laughing while tears streamed down her face, Rachel moved through the crowd and was lifted by two men standing in the front. While the audience went wild, Finn put his arms around the woman he loved, the woman who had saved him, and kissed her. He pulled away and looked down into her shining eyes, silently promising to never say "damn" again.


	23. Chapter 23

Finn stood in the small bathroom he shared with Rachel and stared into the mirror. "You can't," he said to himself. "She's pregnant and moody and doesn't want to right now."

Rachel stood in their bedroom and stared into the full length mirror on the wall. "You can't," she told herself. "He's still recovering and a little depressed and won't want to right now."

In the bathroom, Finn paced for a few minutes. "But I'm going freaking crazy."

In the bedroom, Rachel paced. "But it's driving me nuts."

Finn looked around. "She's already moved to this tiny apartment in the middle of nowhere Texas with me so I can finish out my enlistment and be free. I can't ask for anything else."

Rachel looked at the script April Rhodes had sent her. "He's already spent hour after hour going over my lines with me so I can be ready when we move back to New York. I can't ask him for more."

Finn put his face in his hands. "But I want to."

Rachel groaned quietly. "But I need to."

Shaking their heads, they both walked out of the rooms they were in. "Hey," Rachel said, smiling at him. "You ready for bed?"

Finn groaned internally. "Yeah, the bathroom is all yours."

Rachel nodded, kissing his cheek as she passed him. "I won't be long," she told him. Not that it mattered, she thought to herself.

"Good," Finn said, watching her disappear into the other room. Not that it mattered, he thought to himself.

As Rachel undressed for her shower, she ran her hand over her swollen belly. Maybe it wasn't the leg; maybe he didn't find her attractive anymore. Maybe she'd gotten too big.

As Finn pulled his t-shirt over his head, he looked down at his legs and grimaced. Maybe it wasn't the baby; maybe his leg really freaked her out. Maybe she thought he was gross.

Rachel stared at the shower wall while the warm water ran over her.

Finn stared at the bedroom ceiling.

"Enough is enough," they said in unison, though they were in different rooms and couldn't hear each other.

Finn stood and walked out of the room, planning on interrupting her shower.

Rachel left the shower and wrapped a towel around herself, planning on interrupting his sleep.

They met again in the living room.

"Oh," Rachel said, stopping when she saw him.

"Hey," Finn said, suddenly nervous.

"Look," they said at the same time, and then stopped.

Finn stepped forward first. "I want you, Rachel," he told her. "I know that my leg might freak you out, but I can keep it covered, you know? You won't even have to look at it."

Rachel shook her head, tears pooling in her eyes as she lifted her hand to touch his cheek. "I want you, too," she told him softly. "And I love every part of you." He turned his face so that his lips kissed her palm, then turned his cheek into it as he looked at her. "I thought that maybe you didn't want me," she said. "I know I've gotten kind of big…"

It was Finn's turn to shake his head. "No, baby," he told her, pulling her close to him. He smiled as her belly got in the way. "That's our child, and you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. The way you glow, the way you move…I'm in love with everything about you. Maybe even more now than I was before."

Rachel smiled, wiping her cheeks. "You have a thing for pregnant chicks, huh?"

"I have a thing for one," he told her, kissing her forehead. "You have a thing for crippled guys?"

"I have a thing for this amazing man," she told him. "He's pretty perfect."

"Should I be jealous?" he teased, his lips lowering slowly to hers.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about," she told him, rising on her toes to meet his lips.

Finn groaned at the taste of her, his arms wrapping around her tightly. "I love you," he whispered against her lips.

"And I love you," she told him. "And I've missed you."

They hadn't been apart for months, but he knew what she meant. He'd missed her too. Picking her up, he carried her into their room and laid her gently on the bed. "Will this be safe?" he asked, looking down at her.

"Well, I'm already pregnant," she said, confused.

Finn's laugh startled them both. "Sorry," he said, still grinning. "I meant will this hurt the baby?"

"Oh," Rachel said as she started to undo the towel that was the only thing covering her. "No."

Finn gulped as she slowly pulled the towel apart. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." She opened the towel completely and dropped the ends of it on the bed.

His hands ran up her legs, splaying across her thighs. "Beautiful," he whispered. Her skin was so soft and warm, still a little damp from her shower. He shook his head, forcing himself to look into her eyes. If he started anywhere else, it would be over much too quickly.

Losing his briefs, he settled between her thighs, resting his weight on his elbows. His lips seared a trail across her jaw and down her neck. Her breasts were fuller than they had been and she moaned as his hand cupped one. "Does that hurt?" he asked, his hand stilling.

"No," she said, her hooded gaze meeting his. "It doesn't hurt."

Finn held her eyes as he lowered his lips to the sensitive flesh, gently sucking and nipping at it. Rachel moaned again, her fingers pulling his hair. He kissed his way to the other breast as his free hand roamed down her body to her center. She was already wet for him, clenching around him as he moved a finger into her.

He groaned. "Rach," he said, closing his eyes and not moving. "I don't know how much I can take."

She arched against his hand in answer, silently begging him for more. Finn lowered his lips to her stomach, lightly kissing the mound before moving back up to her breasts. "Are you ready for me, baby?"

Rachel nodded, wrapping her legs around him. "We'll go slow next time, okay? I need you, Finn."

Finn rose, once again bracing himself on his elbow as he guided the tip of his shaft to her opening. Looking into her eyes, he slowly slid inside of her, clenching his jaw as he fought the urge to move faster.

Rachel lifted her hips, pushing him farther into her. When he had filled her, neither moved for a moment. Then Finn lowered his lips to hers and placed a sweet kiss upon them, pulling out of her before sliding back home.

Rachel cried out, her nails digging into his back. "More," she told him. "More, Finn."

Finn began moving, closing his eyes as his hand moved between them to caress her. Rachel's hips rocked under his as the feel of him inside her combined with the movements of his hand pushed her closer to the edge. She strained against him, her breathing ragged as the heat built. When Finn lowered his head and began sucking on her neck she screamed, wave after wave of pleasure rolling through her body. Her hips bucked wildly under his as her entire body burst into flames.

As she fell apart under him, Finn couldn't hold on any longer and let go, pumping into her as he found his own release. The feeling was so intense he felt that he might pass out as he thrust into her one last time, spent. He dropped beside her and gathered her into his arms, working to control his breathing.

Rachel's body was still tingling with the aftershocks of their lovemaking several minutes later. She wasn't sure why, but she found that she was crying again. "Oh God, Rach, did I hurt you?" Finn asked, panicked.

"No," Rachel told him, shaking her head. "It was perfect."

"Then why are you crying?" he asked, tipping her chin up so she would meet his eyes.

"Because it was perfect." She kissed his chest and wrapped her arm around him. "You're perfect."

Finn entwined his fingers with hers. "Shouldn't that make you happy?"

"I am happy," she told him, putting her head on his chest.

"Oh," he said, brushing her hair away from her face. "Okay then."

"It's hard to explain," she said. She smiled as she listened to the steady beat of his heart. "Just love me anyway," she told him.

"I will," he told her. "Always."

And with that, Rachel drifted off to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

"Dude. Is she ever going to have that kid?" Puck asked, watching Rachel walk into the apartment building. They'd just gotten home from going out to eat and Rachel had told them she felt like taking a nap, leaving them to talk for a while.

Finn laughed. "Late next month," he told his friend.

"It seems like she's been pregnant forever," Puck mused.

"That's what she says too."

Puck looked around. "Y'all going to stay in this apartment once the baby gets here?" He'd come out to Texas to visit them between skin grafts. He knew Finn had been given the choice of staying in or getting out, and admired his friend's decision to stay in the service until his time was up. He didn't know if he would have done the same or not.

Finn shook his head. "Rachel found a cute little house she wants to move into."

"Why are y'all staying in this dump now?"

"It's not a dump," Finn said. He smiled, shaking his head. "Rachel felt like we needed to experience living like this to appreciate anything we move into later."

Puck grinned. "Chicks, man. They're crazy."

"Speaking of crazy chicks," Finn said, "what's up with Quinn?"

Puck's eyes narrowed. "She's with Brody."

"What?" Finn asked, shocked. "But I thought…"

"Yeah, me too," Puck said, shrugging. "I guess the burned look doesn't appeal to some."

Finn watched his friend for a moment. "It's getting better," he said finally.

Puck nodded. "I know. I don't really care." He sighed. "It's not the burns. We just can't get along."

"What's the problem?"

"I honestly don't know. I feel like she needs something that I have no idea how to give."

"Have you tried talking about it?"

"Nah, man, no point. Brody's probably better for her."

"That's bullshit," Finn told him. Puck glared at him. "You know it is."

"Let's talk about something else."

"Beth?"

"Let's talk about another something else."

They were quiet for a moment, sitting on the tailgate of Puck's Chevy, watching people mill about. "It feels good to be alive," Finn said after a moment. He looked at his friend, who was nodding. "We're lucky."

"Yeah we are," Puck said.

"I'm not going to take anything for granted this time around. I'm going to do everything I have to to make sure we're happy."

"That's good," Puck told him. "What are you doing when this is over? Rachel's going on Broadway, but what about you?"

"School for me," Finn told him. "Rachel told me she'll be "freakishly busy," so I'm guessing that means I'll be in charge of the baby for a while."

"You okay with that?"

Finn grinned. "Yeah. We'll have a lot of help up there. Kurt and Blaine, Santana and Brittany…Quinn." He shrugged. "Maybe you'll even be around from time to time."

"Maybe," Puck said with a nod. "I can't believe so many people ended up there…I'm not that crazy about the city."

"I figure I better get used to it, because that's where Rachel wants to be."

Puck looked sideways at him. "Seems like you're basing your entire life on whatever Rachel's going to be doing."

Finn smiled. "I am. I've seen enough of the world. I'm young, but I know the truth; it doesn't matter where you are, as long as you're with the one you love. If she's happy, I'm happy. And it's not like I'll be alone; I'll have the baby and our friends and my school work. After I graduate, I'll hopefully have a good job."

Puck nodded. "You have it all figured out."

"I had a lot of time to think about it." Finn thought about all of the days he'd spent locked up in the hospital, making plans. "It's exactly what I want."

"I wish I knew what I want," Puck muttered.

"What are you planning?"

"I have no idea," he said, frustrated. "I had thought that maybe Quinn and I…Hell, I don't know. I was supposed to have more time to figure it out. I had even thought about re-enlisting when my time was up, just to have something to do. Now look at me."

"You can do whatever you want to do. You're getting money, right?" The Army would be paying both men for the rest of their lives, something both were grateful for…and a little ashamed of.

"Money's not my problem," Puck said. "I have no desire to do anything anymore."

"I thought you were doing better with all that?"

"No more nightmares or anything," he said. "This isn't hell related." Both men referred to their time in Afghanistan as Hell; they were far from the only ones to do so. "I'm just sort of lost."

Finn nodded, watching a young couple get into their car. "I was like that before joining the Army. It's terrifying." He looked at his friend. "What would you do if money, time or location wasn't an issue?"

"Play," Puck said without hesitation. "I'd just want to play." He lifted his arm, wincing slightly. "My arm's getting a little better, but it's still not well enough."

"But you can play?"

Puck nodded. "A little."

"If you come up to New York, we can play together," Finn told him. "I miss it."

"That sounds good," Puck told him. "What the hell would I do in New York, though?"

"Well, what couldn't you do in New York?"

Puck grinned. "Drive a tractor?"

Finn laughed. "You really want to drive a tractor?"

"Nope," Puck said, laughing.

"There you go."

Still smiling, Puck shook his head. "I don't know man, they have a lot there. I'm just not sure where I'm supposed to fit in."

"Brittany and Santana are looking for a roommate," Finn told him. "Brittany keeps losing her jobs."

"Dude, being honest? I don't know how Santana can deal with that."

"I guess when you love someone you're willing to put up with a lot."

Puck thought about Quinn. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Just think about it," Finn told him. "You'd be helping out yourself and your friends. Plus, you never know when I'll need an extra babysitter."

"Think Berry will let me take care of your kid?" he asked.

"Hey, she's going to let me," Finn said.

Puck laughed. "You've got a point." He looked back up at the apartment building. "She going to stay a Berry forever?"

Finn frowned. "I want to ask her to marry me, but I don't know how to do it. She probably expects something epic, and I'm not very good with epic."

"You were pretty epic in New York."

Finn thought about it, a slow grin spreading along his face. "I was, wasn't I?" Puck nodded. "I can do that again," he said, thinking aloud. "I can do epic."

"You've only got a month and a half before the baby is born," Puck reminded him. "It's early July, the baby will be here in late August. Is this going to be a rushed thing or are you going to wait?"

"I don't want to wait," Finn admitted. "I would marry her today if I could."

Puck slid down off the tailgate, looking at his friend. "I'll head back up to New York tomorrow, talk with Kurt. We'll start getting some stuff together. Maybe the girls will help, too."

"You think so?" Finn asked, his heart racing. Could this work? Could he really just ask Rachel to marry him and it happen this fast?

"You have to ask her first, but yeah," Puck told him. "I know she wants a small wedding, because she wouldn't shut up about it when we were in school." He rolled his eyes. "You're just lucky you didn't sit next to her in Trig."

Finn smiled. "I would have loved to sit next to her in Trig."

"No man would have loved it, trust me." He rolled his eyes again at Finn's love struck grin. "Anyway, I don't think that's something that would have changed much, do you?"

Finn thought about it. "No, I don't think that's changed."

"Kurt probably knows more about what Rachel wants at her wedding than Rachel does. It'll work out."

"Dude, this will be awesome," Finn said, suddenly excited. He hadn't realized how important Rachel becoming his wife was until this moment.

"How are you going to ask her?"

"I have no idea," Finn said, standing up. "But whatever I do, I'll make sure it's perfect."

They walked back into the apartment discussing minor details. Finn looked down at a sleeping Rachel, curled up with his pillow on the bed. Nothing less than perfect would do, because she was nothing short of perfect herself.


	25. Chapter 25

He walked in as she stretched to put a bowl into the cabinet. After spending the last few days plotting, he relaxed and just watched her. Every movement was so graceful; he could watch her for hours. "Hey," he said, walking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. "I thought I told you not to worry about the dishes?"

Rachel sighed and leaned back into him, closing her eyes. There were times that she felt like a rubber band, so taunt that she could snap at any moment. Resting against the solid chest of the man she loved always soothed her frayed nerves, taking the tension away. He was her sweet relief. "Kurt's been driving me crazy for the last two days," she told him. "Texting to see what my favorite color combination is, what sort of music my Dads like to dance to, how much bigger I plan on getting. It's so odd. I had to do something so I could ignore his text messages in good conscience."

Finn chuckled, the sound vibrating through her. "Go get ready," he told her. "I'll finish this."

Rachel turned around in his arms, looking up at him. "You won't give me a hint about what we're doing?" she pouted. Finn was being very hush hush about it, but she could tell it was a big deal. She felt like a little kid, so excited she was going to burst out of her skin.

Finn dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Nope," he said, grinning.

"How excited should I be?"

"How excited are you?"

"Incredibly."

Finn chuckled. "Go get ready baby. I'll put these up and change."

"Okay," Rachel said, tip toeing to press a kiss on his lips. "Love you."

"I love you too," he told her as she pulled away.

He watched her walk away, allowing himself to have a small panic attack. Everything was going to be okay, it was going to be great. He'd managed a miracle and it was going to be epic. Please, Jesus, let it be epic.

He finished putting up their few dishes and walked to the bedroom to get changed. Stepping into the room, he saw her and lost the ability to breathe. "Rachel," he croaked finally. She was beautiful; the most stunning woman he'd ever seen.

"Do you like it?" she asked, twirling around in the dress.

He loved it. He knew nothing about dresses, but the flowing thing this one did around her knees made his weak. The white sash tied under her chest displayed just how much pregnancy could change a woman; her breasts were full, her stomach rounded. He wanted to remember the way she looked right now for the rest of his life. "You're perfect," he finally managed.

Rachel grinned, blushing a little. "You said wear something nice," she said. "I figured this may be my only chance to wear this dress."

Finn walked over to her, gathering her in his arms. "Perfect," he said again, kissing her.

Rachel smiled against his lips. "I'm glad you like it," she said softly.

Finn sucked in a breath. "Oh no," he said, shaking his head and stepping away. "I'm getting dressed. We have to go."

Rachel smiled, nodding. "I'll go into the living room."

When she left, Finn let out his breath. Tonight was going to be harder than he'd thought; keeping his hands off of Rachel was going on his list as complication number one.

GLEEGLEEGLEE

He'd taken Rachel to a lovely Italian restaurant; she'd talked about it several times and he'd gotten the hint. When they finished eating and were standing back outside, Finn took her hand. "Why don't we go for a walk?"

"Okay," Rachel said, leaning her head against his arm. "Thank you for dinner," she told him. "It was amazing."

"I hoped you would like it," he told her.

"As surprises go, this was a great one."

Finn looked down at her, shocked. She thought that was the surprise? He was better at this than he'd thought! He looked at his watch nervously, hoping he was on time. Things like this didn't happen every day, and if one thing went wrong, everything could go wrong.

As they walked by a large building, a short man stopped them. "Excuse me," the man said. "I don't mean to be a bother, but I was wondering if there was any way you two could help me out for a moment."

Finn looked down at Rachel, cocking his eyebrow. "I'm not sure," he told the man. "We're just out walking…"

"It would really only take a minute," the man told him, turning his pleading gaze to Rachel. "I really need some assistance."

"Oh, Finn, we can help him," she said, smiling at the man. "Of course we'll help."

"Thank you!" the man said, smiling brightly. "Just follow me."

Finn sighed as Rachel pulled him into the building. "I hope this isn't the beginning of a horror movie," he said.

"Finn!" Rachel cried, giggling. "Behave!"

They followed the man to a large open room. Rachel gasped when she realized there was a stage. "What is this place?" she asked him.

"This is the San Antonio Playhouse," the man told her. "We're remodeling, so there's no marquee."

"It's wonderful!" Rachel told him. "Isn't it wonderful, Finn?"

"It's a stage, Rach," Finn said, smiling down at her. Her enthusiasm for everything theater always amused him.

"We're working on acoustics," the man told them, motioning for them to sit in one of the front rows. "If you could just listen and then tell me how it sounds, that would be great."

"We can do that," Rachel told him, sitting beside Finn. She looked up at him. "This is exciting!"

Finn kept smiling and held her hand. They sat and watched as a woman moved around at the back of the stage. When the woman sang her first note, Rachel froze. "No," she whispered.

"Don't Cry for me Argentina" has been sung by thousands of people around the world; Kurt and Rachel sing it daily in their showers. But there was only one person in the world that sang it the way Patti LuPone sang it, and that was Patti LuPone herself. Without realizing what she was doing, Rachel stood, walking slowly towards the stage. She couldn't breathe. Patti LuPone was singing in front of her, to her and Finn. As she finished that song and moved on to another, Rachel stood mesmerized, tears falling down her face. How had this happened? Why was this woman here, in Texas?

As she finished "At the Same Time," Rachel turned back to Finn. She found him on his knee behind her, a ring in his hand. "Oh my God," she said, feeling faint. "Am I dreaming?"

Finn shook his head, a nervous smile on his face. "I love you, Rachel. I always have and I always will. I will follow you wherever you go, and be the man you always need me to be. Will you marry me?"

Rachel nodded slowly, tears flowing more freely now. "Of course, yes," she said, smiling. "Of course."

Finn rose as she jumped into his arms, staggering a little. "Sorry!" she said as she kissed his forehead, then his cheeks, then his lips.

Finn laughed. "It's okay." He held her head in place, looking down into her eyes. "You said yes?"

Rachel grinned, nodding. "Yes!"

"Congratulations," Patti said behind them, smiling down at the couple.

Rachel couldn't believe that she'd forgotten the existence of one of her idols. After she'd turned to see Finn on one knee, everything else had ceased to exist.

As the woman began singing again, Rachel and Finn sat down in their seats, staring into each other's eyes and making plans.

It was most definitely epic.


	26. Chapter 26

"And then she and I sang "Gypsy!" Rachel was saying into the phone. Finn watched her as she paced the floor of their apartment, talking animatedly to Kurt. She'd been this way since they'd walked in the door.

She stopped pacing. "No, truly! I was on stage with her and everything! You can ask Finn!" she looked over at Finn, nodding, as if he was part of the conversation too.

"It's true!" Finn called out to Kurt.

"See?" Rachel said into the phone, continuing pacing. "Oh, Kurt, it was so perfect."

She'd told Kurt about his proposal and that she'd said yes, and then gone on and on about how romantic he was- he'd quite liked that part- and had then moved on to Patti LuPone. Finn was content to just sit back and watch her.

"Well, Finn sent a letter to her and one to April and one to Burt," Rachel was telling Kurt. "And Patti got her letter the same day April and Burt talked to her! Isn't that amazing?"

It really was amazing, Finn marveled. First of all that April Rhodes and Burt would agree to try to help, and secondly that someone like Patti LuPone would care.

"She was so lovely," Rachel said dreamily. "She said she remembered Finn and me from New York! Can you believe that?"

If Kurt couldn't believe it, he was in good company. When Finn had talked to Patti to set everything up, she'd told him that she'd followed their story in the news, remembering them from their brief meeting in New York.

"I was so glad to find out that you were alive," she'd told him over the phone. "I think everyone in America was. Seeing the picture of that poor little girl in front of your grave was just heartbreaking. It's not too often that stories like that have a happy ending."

Finn was glad he was alive too, and thrilled that the woman had agreed to fly to Texas to help him out. He would owe her, April and Burt for the rest of his life.

"I wish you'd been here," Rachel was telling Kurt. "Maybe we'll see her in New York again!"

Rachel never seemed to realize that she was going to be a Broadway star, just like any of her idols. The part in Aprils show wasn't big, for sure, but Finn had no doubt that it was only a stepping stone into a long career as a star. Of course…he may be biased.

"I understand your texts now," Rachel was telling him. "Finn told me all about it. I'm exhausted tonight, but we can talk tomorrow. Thank you for doing so much for me. You guys are great." She nodded, listening. "Love you too. Bye!"

She tossed her phone on the couch and sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Kurt can't believe it either!" she said.

"He thought you'd say no?"

Rachel looked at him for a moment, confused. "Oh, no, he knew I'd say yes," she told him. "I'll always say yes to you."

"I wish I'd known that the last few days," Finn said, brushing her hair off her shoulders. "I would have slept better."

Rachel smiled, kissing him lightly. "I'm sorry, babe. If I'd known you were worried, I would have said something."

"I think everything turned out pretty well," he told her.

"Thank you again, Finn. This was…" she stopped talking, shaking her head. "This was so much more than I would have ever imagined. I still can't believe it happened."

"You're welcome," he told her. "It was more than I'd imagined too."

"You're amazing, you know that?" Rachel said, smiling at him.

Finn shrugged. "I need to be with you forever," he told her. "It's all that matters."

"Oh, Finn," she told him, rubbing her thumb against his cheek. "If you had asked me while I was doing the dishes, I still would have said yes."

"You deserve more than that," he told her.

Rachel kissed him again, her lips tenderly moving over his. She wondered if he had any idea how much she loved him. He couldn't possibly.

Finn stood, lifting her in his arms, and walked to the bedroom. Laying her gently on the bed, he stood and looked down at her for a moment. Rachel smiled, holding her arms up. "Come here," she said.

Finn joined her on the bed, kissing her as she wrapped her arms around him. "As much as I love that dress," he said against her ear, "I've been thinking about taking it off since you put it on."

Rachel shivered as his breath caressed her skin, her hands moving under his shirt to rub his back. "Don't let me stop you," she said, pulling his shirt over his head.

Finn trailed his hands down her leg, slowly untying her sandal and taking it off, doing the same for the other foot. He took her hand and pulled her up into a sitting position, untying the dresses sash and sliding the zipper down, his hand running over the soft skin he found there. Pulling the dress forward, he gently pushed her back down on the bed, taking it off as she lifted her hips. "Beautiful," he said, kissing her stomach.

He had always heard that there was something special about pregnant women, but they'd always creeped him out a little. There was a whole other person INSIDE a pregnant woman. Looking at Rachel now, he knew how incredibly immature he had been. This woman was life, and everything about her called to him.

Moving his hand back up her thigh he found that she was already ready for him. Undoing his pants, he stood and stepped out of them before rejoining her on the bed. He lowered his lips to her breast as he slowly sank into her, sucking slightly. Rachel moaned, her body throbbing with need. She wrapped her legs around him, the movement sending shocks throughout her body.

Finn began moving slowly, his lips finding her other breast. Rachel's fingers dug into his shoulders as she moved under him, meeting each thrust of his hips with her own. Finn lifted his head and looked down at her, watching her face as her breathing became ragged.

Rachel felt her body clench, so close to the edge she was in pain. "Finn," she gasped. "More."

Finn nodded, dropping his head on her shoulder as he moved faster, deeper. Rachel cried out, closing her eyes at the onslaught of pleasure. Her thighs tightened around him a moment before she shattered, screaming out his name as the waves of heat rolled through her. Finn's lips found hers as he found his own release, his head spinning.

The tension of the day left his body and he laid beside her completely relaxed and at ease. "Do you think it will always be like this?" she asked, looking over at him.

"It always has been," he said, pulling her closer to him. "I think it always will be."

Rachel nodded. "I love you, Finn Hudson," she told him, kissing his cheek. "You make me so happy."

Finn smiled and held her, promising to himself that he always would.


	27. Chapter 27

"You've got to be kidding me," Rachel said, watching as Finn turned his head when she sat down. "I said I was sorry, okay? It's not that big of a deal." Finn didn't say anything and she sighed. "How long is this going to go on? We're getting married in two days." Finn kept looking at the wall. "Fine," Rachel said, picking up a magazine. "Don't talk to me."

Finn turned his head to glare at her, and then resumed staring at the wall. Rachel sighed, not really paying attention to the pages she was skimming through. She knew he was a big kid, but this was ridiculous. She put the magazine down. "You threw away my Barbara DVD!" she yelled.

Finn looked at her, narrowing his eyes. "A month ago, on accident, and you said you forgave me."

"Well at least you're talking to me now," she said. Finn made a face at her, then turned and stared at the wall again.

"I told you it was an accident," Rachel said, annoyed. "It was!"

Finn snorted, crossing his arms and continuing to look at the wall. "Liar."

Rachel's mouth dropped open and she stared at him. "You did NOT just call me a liar, Finn Hudson."

Finn turned his head to look at her, eyes wide, and said, "Liar."

Rachel stood up quickly, throwing her magazine at him. "You jackass!" she said, putting her hands on her hips. "I can't believe you're acting like such a baby over a holey pair of jeans!"

Finn stood up too. "I've had those jeans since I was in high school! They were my lucky jeans! And you threw them away!"

"You couldn't even wear them out anywhere; they were so holey your damn dick would have shown!"

"My boxers, yeah!" Finn cried. "So what? I wore them around here, not out! And how can you accidentally throw out a pair of jeans, Rach? You thought the trash can was the washing machine?"

"This is so stupid!" she said, throwing her hands up in the air. "This is the stupidest argument I've ever been in."

"You're not the one missing his lucky jeans!" Finn yelled, walking away.

"Don't you dare walk away from me," Rachel said loudly. "Finn!"

Finn stopped and pointed down at his carbon fiber blade. "I'm holey too, Rach. You going to throw me out?"

Rachel gasped, staring at him in horror. Tears welled in her eyes as she turned away and ran to their bedroom, slamming the door shut. Finn stood rooted to the floor, unable to believe what he'd just said. "Rachel," he said, finally able to move. He walked to the bedroom door and knocked. "Rachel, I'm sorry." When she didn't answer, he slowly opened the door to find her lying on the bed, her back to him. "I don't know why I said that, Rach." He walked over to the bed. "They're just jeans, okay? I'm sorry."

It _was_ a stupid argument. And it was stupid for him to be so attached to a pair of jeans. But they really were his lucky jeans; he'd worn them the day he'd joined Glee club, the day he'd thrown the championship pass, the day they'd won Nationals. He'd worn them all throughout his relationship with Rachel, through the ups and downs. Yeah, it was dumb to care so much about a stupid pair of jeans. But he did.

"You're so dumb," Rachel said, her voice muffled by the pillow it was stuck in.

"I know," Finn said, rubbing her back. Rachel turned on her back and looked at him. Finn frowned at the tears on her face, the blotchiness of her cheeks. "Don't cry, Rach."

"You've just been so mad at me," she said. "I hate it when you're mad at me." Finn nodded, pushing the hair away from her face. "I didn't throw your jeans away," she said after a minute.

"You didn't?"

Rachel shook her head, getting up and walking over to her dresser. Opening it, she pushed her things aside, pulling out his jeans. Turning back around, she tossed them to him. "Why didn't you tell me where they were?" Finn asked, confused.

"Look at them," Rachel told him.

Finn unfolded the jeans, shaking them out. "Did you make these patches?" he asked. Every hole had been patched.

Rachel nodded. "I used the same material your old letterman jacket had in it," she told him. "I know it sounds really stupid, but I thought they could be part of your wedding present."

Finn felt like a jackass. He wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. "Oh God, Rach," he said, staring at her. "I'm so sorry."

Rachel shook her head. "It was a dumb idea," she said.

"No," Finn said, taking her hand and pulling her closer to where he sat on the bed. "It was a perfect idea. And I screwed it up by being a jerk."

"Why would you say that about your leg?" Rachel asked him softly, letting him pull her onto his lap. "Why would you even think it?"

It was Finn's turn to shake his head. "We're getting married in two days," he said. "Sometimes I look at you…and I think that you deserve so much more than me. You both do," he said, putting his hand on her stomach.

Rachel looked into his eyes. "No," she whispered. "You're the one that deserves better. I'm neurotic. I freak out over everything. Don't think I didn't notice the look you gave me when I started crying during that National Geographic show last night."

"Rachel, it was a cooking show."

"But what if I can't ever cook like that?" she asked. "What if you and the baby starve?"

Finn smiled, kissing her. "You're perfect," he told her. "You're an amazing cook, you're beautiful, you have the voice and smile of an angel."

Rachel put her hands on his cheeks. "_You're_ perfect," she told him. "You may not be an amazing cook, but you're beautiful. You have a beautiful soul, Finn, and having you with me always is the only thing I'll ever need."

Finn put his forehead to hers. "I'm sorry," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm sorry for acting like a baby."

"I'm sorry for withholding evidence," she told him, smiling a little.

"Forgive me?"

Rachel nodded. "Forgive me?"

"I'll think about it," he said, laughing when she swatted him on the arm. He used his right arm to hold the pants out. "I'm going to look good in these," he said.

Rachel nodded, looking up at him. "And I won't have to kill some woman for trying to see what you're hiding in those boxer shorts of yours."

"It's a win win."


	28. Chapter 28

August in Texas feels like the seventh circle of hell. Finn had been in Afghanistan and he remembered exactly what hell felt like, and he thought the comparison was pretty apt.

When Rachel had found out that Kurt was planning an outdoor wedding, she'd thrown a fit. "Nooo," she had moaned to Finn. "I can't bear it. He's crazy."

"He said that you would say that," Finn told her. "He said something like "oh ye of little faith."" He had brought her hand up to his lips. "If you don't want to do it, we'll tell him you don't."

Rachel thought about it. "Kurt knows how miserable I am…he wouldn't do anything that made me cry on my wedding day."

Finn smiled. "So we're good?"

She nodded. "We're good."

Finn wasn't certain how Kurt had managed to pull it off mostly from NYC, but now here they were, standing in the middle of a field by a stream, surrounded by trees, and no one felt like they were melting. Kurt had said something about strategically placed fans and breezes off the water, but Finn hadn't really paid attention. Stuff like that could remain a secret forever and he wouldn't mind.

There were white flowers everywhere. Over the guests there was a canopy of white, from flowers to ribbons to lace. Finn loved it, and he knew Rachel would too. It was fussy and frilly but strangely beautiful, and he didn't feel like any less of a man for thinking so. That's exactly what he'd told Puck, too, when the other man had laughed at him.

He had worried a little about his leg in his Class A's…no matter how you dress it up, a carbon fiber blade stood out. After a while, he decided not to worry about it anymore. He knew that Rachel loved him no matter what, and no one else really mattered.

He and Kurt had fought about his wedding attire, but in the end he'd been adamant; he was a soldier- a proud one- and he was going to wear his dress uniform. After Kurt had seen him in it, he'd agreed that it would be fine. And then he'd teared up a little. When Puck had stood beside Finn in his Class A's, they'd all gotten a little teary eyed. Puck told Finn that even though he was out, he was still a soldier; they'd been planning this when they were both in the service, and it was what he wanted to wear. Finn liked the idea, and after seeing them, Kurt had too.

Finn stood now in front of a small group of their family and friends and waited. He remembered how lovely Rachel had looked in her wedding dress when they were in school; he knew that now she'd look even more beautiful. He looked to the front row to see his mom and Burt, smiling as Carol wiped away another tear. She'd been crying for a week now.

Every member of the Glee Club had been able to make it, and he and Rachel had spent the night with them last night. It felt good to finally have Quinn on their side. She'd brought Brody, something no one seemed too happy about, especially Puck. Finn noticed that every time his friend looked at the other man he looked like he was sucking on a lemon. Quinn didn't look too happy about it, either, which Finn thought was strange.

Puck and Blaine stood with Finn; two men he loved dearly. Quinn and Santana were going to be Rachel's bridesmaids. Kurt hadn't wanted to be in the wedding party because he had to stand in the back and pull all the strings, making sure everything went as it was supposed to. Finn had joked that Kurt would be bald before the wedding was over, and then spent the next hour trying to get Kurt to open the bathroom door and stop crying, telling him over and over that his hair was still thick and fine and it had just been a joke. Everyone was so sensitive lately, geez.

A hush fell over the crowd and Finn straightened, staring at the spot he knew Rachel was going to appear. Santana came out first, followed by Quinn. Finn didn't even watch them as they moved down the aisle. When everyone stood, he held his breath. She was coming.

The air left him in a soft whoosh the moment his eyes landed on her. "Rachel," he breathed, his eyes locking with hers. LeRoy and Hiram were at her sides, her arms locked with each of them. Her dark hair flowed over her shoulders with a slight curl to it. Her white dress hugged her chest tightly and then fell in a cascade of white to the floor. She'd laughed about being a "hillbilly" bride- getting married while she was pregnant- but Finn had never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

When she finally reached him, LeRoy took her hand and held it out to Finn. Finn reached out and took it, slowly pulling her close to him. "Breathe, baby," she said, smiling. With her free hand, she wiped away a tear he hadn't known was trailing down his cheek.

"You look amazing," he whispered.

"Better than last time?"

"Better than anything," he said. A small part of his brain realized that what he was saying didn't really make sense, but he ignored it. Rachel was the only thing he could think about. "I love you," he said, staring into her eyes. "I love you so much."

Rachel's smile was radiant. "I love you too," she said, squeezing his hand as they turned to the preacher. Because of the short notice and some other reasons Finn didn't understand, they had a protestant preacher. He didn't really care if it was an alien so long as it meant Rachel would really be his when it was over.

He listened as Rachel repeated the words the preacher told her to and then repeated them himself. He only messed up once, which he thought was a definite win. As he finally slid the ring onto her finger he closed his eyes for a moment. Everything he'd dreamed about for so long was happening…it was all coming true.

When the preacher said, "You may kiss your bride," Finn needed no further encouragement. He took Rachel's face in his hands and kissed her deeply, his body moving closer to hers as she wrapped her arms around him. It wasn't until Puck tapped him on the shoulder that he realized everyone was waiting for them to break it off. Turning to the crowd, he lifted her hand and grinned. Everyone stood and cheered as he looked down at her. He was going to have to do something special for Kurt; this was like a dream.

As everyone made their way to the tent and the reception, Finn didn't let go of her hand. When they finally made their way into the enclosure, the band began playing and Burt said, "I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Finn Hudson!" While everyone applauded again, Finn pulled Rachel close for their first dance. Kurt had stomped around, threatened to quit and even cried, but they'd all known that in the end "Faithfully" would be their wedding song. There was really no other option.

"You look beautiful," he told her as they moved in a slow circle on the floor. Finn had never been a great dancer, and he was grateful that Rachel was content to sway in one spot with her head on his shoulder.

She looked up at him, glowing. "You look pretty amazing yourself," she told him with a grin.

Finn lowered his head for a kiss, smiling against her lips as he heard about 30 cameras go off. "Kurt and his disposable cameras," he said, looking around. Every table had three Kodak cameras on it, for the guest to take whatever pictures they wanted. It was a good idea, much like every other idea of Kurt's. "He should look into being a wedding planner."

Rachel nodded. "This is amazing," she agreed, closing her eyes as they danced.

Finn couldn't tear his eyes away from her; he'd never seen anything so perfect. "Are you okay?" he asked, hoping she wasn't too tired. She'd spent the past week in misery, complaining that no human being was ever supposed to get this big or ache this much.

"You know," she said, putting her head against his chest, "I'm good. I don't know how or why, but nothing hurts, nothing aches…everything is just good."

"Good," Finn told her, holding her tightly.

"We'll have a week of wedded bliss, and then go directly into the parent portion of our lives," Rachel said, grinning slightly. "Are you ready for all of that, Mr. Hudson?"

"As long as I've got you, Mrs. Hudson, I'm ready for anything."


	29. Chapter 29

Rachel quietly woke but chose to lie in the bed and listen to Finn.

"You know, little man, this isn't exactly the way I expected to spend my honeymoon," he was saying quietly, and Rachel could hear the smile in his voice. "You sure freaked everyone out. You're like your mother; when you're ready to do something, you're ready to do it. There will be none of this waiting around nonsense."

She could make out Finn's outline in the rocking chair by the window, the soft moonlight shining on her husband and son. Her heart swelled; she'd never seen anything so beautiful.

"I was a little scared," Finn was saying to the baby. "Your mom was in a lot of pain and I just wanted to take it all away from her. She was really strong though. You have the strongest mommy I know. And when we saw you…oh, I'd never seen anything more perfect." His head bent as he kissed his sons head. "You laying on your mother's chest…it brought tears to my eyes. And there's nothing wrong with crying, just so you know. Especially when you're crying because you're happy." He smiled. "You may grow up seeing your daddy cry a lot…because I'm very happy."

The little boy cooed, his eyes opening slightly to gaze up at the man holding him. "You're going to look like me," Finn said. "That's okay; your mom's a girl, so you wouldn't want to look like her anyway. But maybe we'll have a little sister for you and she can look like your mom. I'll have to ask mommy about that. She said some things while she was in labor…I'm not sure mommy will ever let me touch her again."

Rachel laughed silently, making sure she didn't make a noise. He was right; she'd been mighty unhappy when she was in labor. She'd always thought movies and shows exaggerated how much labor hurt and the mother's screams, but she'd been wrong. She'd been sure she was going to die two or three times. She'd have to make sure Finn knew she hadn't meant any of the mean things she'd said.

"I'm different from other daddy's and I hope that it never bothers you. I worry about that sometimes…how other kids will react to your daddy because he's missing a leg. I don't want anyone to tease you or hurt you. I hope that when you look at me you see a good man, a strong man. I don't want you to see me as a man with something missing." His voice dropped and Rachel knew he was getting emotional. Finn thinking this way hurt her so much; she wanted him to know how perfect he was, how special he was. She was going to spend the rest of her life making sure he realized it.

"When you get older, I'll let you join mine and your Uncle Puck's band. I'll teach you how to play drums. That'll be good, because then maybe your mommy will let me play them in the house. She won't let me now…but if I was just teaching you how to play she might."

The little boy began squirming a little. "Okay, enough talk," Finn said. "Do we need to wake up mommy? Are you hungry?" The little boy made a small squawk and Finn stood, holding him carefully.

"Hey, Rachel," Finn said gently, walking to the bedside. He turned on the soft light beside the bed. "I hate to wake you up," he said as she looked up at him, "but I think Noah's hungry."

Rachel sat up, reaching for the baby, wincing a little in pain. Everything still hurt quite a bit, but she knew it wouldn't last that long. "Are you hungry?" she asked him, smiling down at his perfect little face. She could watch him forever. She unbuttoned her gown and began nursing, looking up at Finn. "What?" she said, smiling at him.

"I never knew it would feel like this," he said. "I feel like my heart is too full or something."

Rachel nodded and with her free hand reached for him, pulling him to sit on the bed beside her. "I know what you mean," she said, her hand cupping his cheek and her thumb running over his lips. "Thank you, Finn."

"For what?" Finn asked.

"For everything. For this life. For being my husband. For Noah. For loving me."

Finn smiled crookedly. "I think I should be the one thanking you," he told her. He took her hand and held it, watching them.

"Is everyone okay?" Rachel asked him. "I forgot to ask."

"What was the last thing you saw?"

"Everyone had stopped fighting and was staring at me."

Finn nodded. "Puck had already knocked Brody out by then, right?"

"Right."

"And Quinn had slapped Puck?"

"Yeah, I remember that."

"Nothing else happened, really," Finn told her. "Those cameras probably have some awesome pictures, though." He laughed.

"I can't believe they started a brawl during our wedding reception," Rachel said, shaking her head.

"To be fair to Puck, he quietly dragged Brody out of the tent before punching him. He really didn't want to cause a disturbance."

Rachel laughed softly. "He's lucky we still named the baby after him!"

Finn nodded. "He was crying when he got here earlier. Said he was ashamed of himself and hoped that you'd forgive him for everything."

"Oh no, I hope he knows I'm not upset with him."

"I told him. He didn't believe me, but I told him. He's in love with little Noah, by the way."

"Everyone is," Rachel said warmly. "What about Quinn, did you talk to her?"

"No, she left."

"I should call her. I bet she was horrified."

"Santana thought it was the greatest wedding reception she'd ever been to and taped the whole thing."

"Well, Santana is a bit nuts," Rachel said, still grinning. "Kurt will never talk to Noah again."

"That's what he says. I'm just glad you're okay," Finn told her. "You worried me."

Rachel looked down at their son. "We're fine," she told him. "We're perfect."

"Yes you are, Rach. Yes you are," he said, kissing her on the forehead. Perfect was exactly what they were.


	30. Chapter 30

"Shh, don't be loud; Rachel's sleeping," Finn said as he and Puck walked out the door, Noah in his arms. He shut it quietly behind them, walking out to the little swing he'd put in the back yard. Rachel brought Noah out to swing almost every night, singing to him softly as he nursed and she stared up at the sky and made plans.

"Man, I can't believe how big he's getting," Puck said, taking the baby from Finn.

"Dude, he's tiny," Finn said. "My hands are way bigger than he is. Sometimes I'm afraid to even hold him."

"Yeah, you'll get used to that," Puck said, smiling down at the baby. "I can't believe you guys still named him Noah." He looked up. "It was the little mohawk, wasn't it?"

Finn chuckled. "I keep trying to tell you; Rachel isn't mad at you. She knew how important the names Christopher and Noah were to me, so that's his name." He looked down at the baby. "The mohawk is just icing on the cake."

"Bro, this kid has it made," Puck said, putting the baby on his shoulder as they rocked gently. "You for a dad, Rach for a mom…me for an uncle. He'll have it all."

"I can't believe he's only been here for two weeks," Finn said, rubbing his face with his hand. "I feel like he's always been a part of my life."

"About the two weeks thing…sorry I left the day after your wedding, man. I just had a lot of shit on my mind and couldn't deal."

Finn nodded. "You get it straightened out?"

"Hell no," Puck said, sighing. "Santana uploaded the video of me hitting Brody onto YouTube." He grinned. "Always knew I was going to be a star."

Finn laughed. "How many hits did it get?"

"Over five hundred thousand last time I checked," he said, looking sheepish. "I should probably tell you that, uh, it has Rachel going into labor on it too. It's got me hitting Brody, Quinn screaming, Rachel going into labor and Kurt stomping his feet with his fingers in his ears singing "I feel pretty."" He made a face. "Santana titled it, "Redneck Wedding."

"Shit, don't tell Rachel that," Finn said, turning around to make sure his wife hadn't come out of the house.

"Not going to," Puck said. He looked around. "This is a really pretty place," he said after a moment.

Finn nodded. "Rach loves it. Sometimes she says that she doesn't ever want to leave here."

The little house was situated right outside of town. It was tiny but sat on some of the prettiest land Finn had ever seen. Their yard was fenced in, but beyond the fence was a grass field and a pond. Neither of them ever got tired of just sitting outside and watching the sun go down.

"She says that now," Puck said. "She'll change her mind soon enough."

"Yeah," Finn said. "She's excited about the show."

"She still going to be in it?"

"Practices every night."

"Berry's going to be a Broadway star," Puck said. "Always knew it was going to happen. Just didn't think it was going to happen so soon."

"I think she gets a little overwhelmed sometimes." Finn leaned his head back and stared straight up at the sky. "I do too."

"How's your dreams?"

Finn closed his eyes as the swing moved gently. "Better. I still have nightmares sometimes, but I think that's normal. Yours?"

Puck shrugged. "Better. Sometimes my face burns."

Finn lifted his head and nodded. "My leg hurts sometimes." He looked at his friend. "Your face is looking good though."

"It's never going to look normal, but I don't think I scare kids anymore." He pulled little Noah back. "Do I scare you? Huh? Does Uncle Puck have a scary face?" He put the drowsy baby back against his shoulder. "See? I'm good."

Finn laughed. "So you haven't talked to Quinn?"

"I've tried. She ignores me."

"How's living with Santana and Brittany?"

"A lot less sexy than you'd think," Puck grumbled. He sighed. "Santana says I'm being a pu-, I mean, a sissy." He looked at little Noah's face to make sure the two week old hadn't noticed the slip. Then he realized that the baby was, in fact, only two weeks old. Still, some things shouldn't be said in front of babies.

"Because you haven't talked to Quinn?"

Puck nodded. "She thinks I need to go over there, throw open the door and make Quinn listen to me."

"What do you think?"

"I think she'd call the law."

"Nah, man, I'm with Santana on this one." They were quiet for a moment. "So that's it for you? You're in love with Quinn?"

Puck frowned. "I guess."

Finn smiled at him. "You don't have to sound so mad about it."

"Of all the women in the world, why does it have to be her?"

"Love's a crazy thing," Finn said, taking the baby from Puck and looking down at him. "But when you do it right, you get all sorts of blessings." He looked up to see Puck staring at him and shrugged, grinning. "My sergeant is real religious," he told his friend. "Always talking about blessings." He looked back down at Noah. "He's right, though. These blessings…they're all around us."

Puck watched his friend with his son and thought about Quinn. Maybe Finn was right. Maybe blessings were all around. Maybe you had to fight for them first. "I got some people for the band," he told Finn.

"Yeah? They any good?"

"No, they suck. We'll look really good by comparison, though."

Finn laughed. "They must really suck."

"You'll see when you get back to the city," Puck told him.

"Think they'll wait eight months for a drummer?"

"It'll probably take that long to teach them both how to play."

"Oh no," Finn said, narrowing his eyes. "Don't say it."

"Hey man, I needed a place to live, Santana and Brittany needed a hobby."

Finn groaned and looked back up at the sky. "I'm just going to think about those blessings for a few more minutes," he said. "Then I'm going to kill you."

Pucks laugh drifted over the grassy field.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: I have to apologize; until a review today I didn't realize that this wasn't posted. I uploaded it and thought I had posted it already. I'm sorry y'all! I hope it doesn't seem too short and sucky since you've waited so long. **

Finn walked into the dark room, thinking he'd find his son sleeping. When he saw that Noah's little eyes were wide open, he smiled; he must have been waiting to hear all about his mama's opening night.

"Hey buddy," he said, leaning over the bed. "Mrs. Janice said you were sleeping."

"Da," the little boy said, smiling and reaching for him. Finn picked him up, walking him over to the window seat and sat, looking down at him in the moonlight. Noah amazed him every day; he was changing right in front of their eyes. He could talk…sort of. He could walk and run and play and laugh…Finn's chest tightened every time he heard Noah and Rachel laughing together. Nothing in the world was more beautiful than that.

"I wish you could have been there," Finn told him, kissing his cheek. He brushed some of the dark curls off the boys forehead, watching them fall right back down. He told Puck that Rachel was the one that didn't want Noah's hair cut, but it was both of them. Something about the little mop of hair made him smile every time he saw it.

"Da," the boy said again, grinning up at him.

Finn smiled back at him. "She did great," he told his son. "No, it was better than great. It was amazing. Fantastic. Terrific. Everyone thought so, so it wasn't just me." Noah cocked his head to the side, listening. "I was so proud of her. You'll see a recording of it when you're older, I'm sure. You'll be proud too. She'll blow you away."

"Mama," Noah said, nodding once.

"Yes, mama," Finn said, nodding back. He looked out the window, thinking about seeing Rachel on that big stage, hearing her heart in her songs. He'd cried several times throughout the show, even though it was a comedic performance. April Rhodes had created what would have been a train wreck if it was anyone else; it was perfect for her, though, and Rachel only added to its perfection. When it was time for the cast to take their bows, April had taken Rachel's hands and made her stay out when the curtain closed on the remainder of the cast. When April stepped back and left Rachel in the spotlight, the rest of the crowd had joined Finn on their feet. Everyone had raved about how amazing she had been as they were walking out; Finn had felt so proud he'd thought he would burst.

"That was awesome," Puck said, hugging Finn after the show.

Finn nodded, hugging Quinn as he told Puck, "She did even better than I thought was possible."

"Tell her that we can't wait to see her tomorrow," Quinn told him as Puck put his arm around her. "We'll round up the rest of the group and meet you guys for lunch."

Finn had nodded. "I can't believe the entire Glee Club came," he said. They had all come up for Puck and Quinn's wedding just a few weeks ago, and Rachel hadn't thought they'd make another trip so soon. "She'll be so happy."

"We couldn't have missed it," Will said from behind them, a very pregnant Emma at his side.

Emma shook her head, close to tears. "She was wonderful," she said, hugging Finn. "Tell her we said so."

Finn smiled. "I will. And then you guys can remind her tomorrow."

When he'd finally gotten backstage to Rachel, he'd figured she'd want to go out with her cast mates to celebrate. "I just want to go home and be with you and Noah," she'd told him.

She'd been quiet on the way home, snuggled beside him. Finn had talked nonstop about how great she'd been, but she'd just nodded. As soon as they'd gotten back to their apartment, she'd told him she was going to take a quick shower so he'd come in to talk to Noah.

"There are my boys," Rachel said, leaning against the doorframe.

"Mama," the little boy said, reaching for her. She walked into the room and took him, holding him close to her as she sat across from Finn on the window seat, their legs touching.

"I was telling him how amazing you were tonight," Finn told her, smiling. Rachel smiled back at him and kissed the little boy on his forehead. "Is something wrong, Rach? You seem a little…calm."

Rachel shook her head, looking at him. "It's finally all happening," she told him. "Everything I've ever dreamed of…it's all coming true. It's just…when I was standing on that stage tonight, looking around at all the people, I realized something; it would seem so empty if it wasn't for you and Noah. I would be on Broadway, something I've dreamed about since I was a little girl, but I wouldn't have you to come home to and talk about it to. I wouldn't have someone who's been with me through every struggle to know just how much it means to me." She put her hand on his. "You make everything worth it, Finn. You and Noah, you're everything to me. And if something happened tomorrow and I wasn't able to ever sing again, I would have tonight and I would have the two of you…and it would be okay." She laughed a little. "I never thought that could be true, but it is."

Finn leaned over and kissed her. "You're our everything too," he told her, looking into her eyes. "I don't know where I would be without you."

"You would be a C student," Rachel said matter-of-factly.

Finn grinned. "Well, there's that."

"When April offered me the part, I thought you were dead," she said, taking a deep breath. "I may have eventually tried it, but Finn…" She shook her head, close to tears. "Standing on that stage, all I could think about was how wrong it would have all been if you weren't there." Finns hand moved up to caress her face and she turned her lips into his palm. "I don't think I could have still been Rachel if I didn't have a Finn."

"Don't be sad, baby," he told her. "You have me. I'm not going anywhere."

"Me," Noah said, looking from Finn to Rachel.

Rachel smiled down at him, her eyes shining with tears. "Yes, you too," she said to him.

"Rachel," Finn said, tipping her face back up so that her eyes met his. "You have us."

Rachel nodded. "And I'm so grateful," she told him. "I'm so happy…I feel like my heart is going to explode. Seeing you in the crowd…knowing that I still have you and that we have Noah and that everything is okay…" She closed her eyes for a moment. "I don't know what I'm trying to say."

Her eyes opened when Finn took her hand, putting it over his heart. "I know what you're saying," he told her. "And I know exactly how you feel."

Rachel smiled, relaxing. He did know. He was the only one who could.

Her cast mates probably thought she was nuts, but Rachel Berry Hudson spent the night of her Broadway debut sitting in a window and holding hands with the only man who would ever make her heart and soul smile, their sweet baby boy between them. It was every dream she'd ever had, and it was real. And all of it was because of Finn Hudson.


End file.
